Not too long ago, admitting you met your significant other on a dating app was like confessing you had a secret addiction to reality TV. Now it’s the norm, and if you’re still cringing about it, you might want to reconsider your approach to love. Dating apps, like Hinge and Bumble, have made things way more efficient—and let’s be real, the days of meeting someone by chance at a random social event are over. If you’re still relying on that “maybe I’ll meet someone while I’m out buying eggs” strategy, it’s time for an update.
As a psychotherapist and self-help author, I’ve seen it all. I’ve helped hundreds of clients create profiles, navigate the minefield of online dating, and somehow keep their dignity intact. Here’s the truth: most people are doing it wrong. They either oversell themselves, under perform, or flat-out lie. And it’s exhausting. So, here’s how to get it right, without giving up your soul in the process:
1. Stop Lying About What You Want.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, say it. If you’re just looking for someone to binge-watch Netflix with and swipe left on the rest of humanity, say that too. Misleading people is a terrible strategy—and it’s only going to backfire when you’re left with a ton of awkward conversations that go nowhere.
2. Don’t Lie About Who You Are, Either.
Newsflash: You’re not 6’2″ if you’re 5’8″, and no, your “curvy” frame isn’t going to magically transform into “athletic” when you meet in person. The truth is going to come out when you meet, so why bother pretending? Be honest about who you are, and you might actually end up meeting someone who likes you for you.
3. Stop Telling People How Amazing You Are.
“I’m super successful” or “I’m very attractive.” Oh, really? Everyone’s “successful” and “attractive” on the internet. If you have to say it, it probably means you’re not. Let someone else draw that conclusion. Besides, attractiveness is subjective. Just because your mom thinks you’re the next George Clooney doesn’t mean your match on Bumble will agree.
4. Decode the Subtext.
When someone says they “experimented with drugs in college,” that might be code for “I went to rehab.” When someone says they’re “recently divorced,” it could mean “I’m still crying over my ex.” And when someone says, “I run a company,” brace yourself for the reality: they’re starting a side hustle and are too busy to get to know you properly. Don’t ignore the red flags.
5. Stop Being a Fake.
I get it—you want to look like a total catch. But pretending to be someone you’re not online is the fastest way to get stuck in a miserable conversation. Be your weird, quirky self—because that’s what’s going to attract people who are actually into you, not the “Instagram influencer” version of yourself you’re trying to sell.
6. Be Specific—No One Cares That You “Like to Travel.”
“Travel” is not a personality trait. It’s a vague statement that tells me nothing about you. Instead, talk about a recent trip that blew your mind or a destination you’re dying to visit. And please, don’t just list “I love food.” Tell me about your favorite restaurant or that one place where you had the best tacos of your life. Otherwise, you’re just another bland profile in a sea of “foodies.”
7. Don’t Use the Same Tired Lines as Everyone Else.
We get it—you’re “just as comfortable in sneakers as you are in heels.” But so is everyone else. Be more creative than that. If you want to sound like a human being, ditch the clichés and share a real experience—like your go-to dive bar or the last time you tried to wear heels and immediately regretted it.
8. Post a Real Picture, Please.
We all know that one person who’s been hiding behind a cryptic, blurry selfie or a mysterious shot of their dog for months. Newsflash: Not posting a picture makes you look like a scammer, a catfish, or, worse, someone with an ex who’s still very present in your life. Get a real picture up there, and no pics of you with your ex cropped out. That’s a red flag. If you can’t share a photo, at least have a decent reason why. But don’t just “forget” to upload one—it’s 2025, not 2003.
9. Stop Texting and Start Meeting.
There’s a magical thing called “in-person conversation.” It exists, and it’s much better than texting for days on end. Let’s be real: No one wants to build a relationship entirely through emojis. If you’re still trying to create a “connection” through DMs, you’re doing it wrong. Get offline and meet someone face-to-face—before you end up thinking you’re dating a ghost.
10. Keep the First Date Low-Key.
No, you don’t need to go to a fancy dinner at a five-star restaurant just to impress someone. Casual drinks or coffee is the way to go—something that doesn’t scream “I’m investing my entire future in this date.” Relax and keep it simple. If it’s meant to be, it will be—but don’t act like it’s a business deal. This is just a casual first meeting, not a proposal.