Self-confidence is a characteristic that everyone can attain. Yet feeling insecure about ourselves is perhaps the most common problems of humanity. The majority of people in society think, “You have to be born with it.” Not true. You learn how to be confident, just as you learn how to cook or drive a car.

Self-confidence all boils down to how you feel about yourself. Your self-confidence begins to develop from the moment you are born. Many components affect the development of our self-esteem. For example, some of those components consist of how we are raised, how people talk to us and the experiences we encounter during our lifetime. People tend to judge how well we are doing in life by what society thinks is the “norm” or what the people who center our life perceive the norm to be.

All individuals have standards and expectations that we tend to try to live up too. If you are unable to meet up to your standards, which most of us are because the majority of people in our society set goals that are unattainable or unrealistic and in the end result, our self-confidence begins to slowly dwindle. Most people lose sight of the fact that no one is perfect. Perfection does not exist. Perfection only exists in our mind and every individual perceives it differently.

You need to accept yourself, love yourself and be happy with the person you have become in life and if you are unhappy with certain things in your life then you need to change them. However, this is a whole other discussion that we will save for another article.

We were valued for just being people, for just being in this world. We often believe we must continually try to prove to other people that we are worthy of them or on the same level as them. We often spend too much time doing this and in hindsight, we lose the ability to see that we are fine just the way we are and that we are the only person who needs to be happy with themselves even though we are not perfect.

In order to gain self-confidence, you need to believe in yourself. If you believe in yourself then you can succeed in anything you put your mind to. You may not thrive the first time you try, but you have to keep trying until you do. Quick success does not exist in our society. Achievements only come to those who strive hard to get them. You get nowhere in life if you do not push yourself. You need to create a lifestyle that is right for you and nobody else. Do not settle for anyone else’s lifestyle or for a lifestyle that is beneath your standards.

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The”10 step plan” to increasing confidence:

Begin a journal. Ask yourself what is making you feel like you cannot get to the point in life you want to reach. Write any thoughts that come to mine. Also, write down what self-confidence means to you.

The past is unchangeable. Remember the past is over. You cannot change the past, focus on the future and plan a new beginning for yourself. Begin by writing down 10 positive things about yourself. Go through your journal and look at all the positive things about yourself. Concentrate on your strengths. These are the reasons you should love yourself and have high self-esteem and self-confidence in yourself. Give yourself credit for everything positive you have written about yourself. Remember, you are somebody special.

Accept yourself and learn to love yourself for whom you are a person. Everyone has his or her own unique qualities and characteristics. We are all born differently for a reason. Do not compare yourself to others.

Dig Deep inside yourself. Understand yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Meditation is a great way to relax and learn what your body needs from you. Here a great way to meditate

1. Take some time to relax by yourself in a quiet room.

2. Rest on your back with head and neck comfortably supported.

3. Rest hands on the upper abdomen, close your eyes and settle in a comfortable position.

4. Breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

5. Inhalation should be slow, unforced and unhurried.

6. Silently count to four, five or six, whatever feels right for you.

7. When inhalation is complete, slowly inhale through the nose. Count this breathing out, as when breathing in.

The exhalation should take as long as the inhalation. There should be no sense of strain. If initially, you feel you have breathed your fullest at a count of three, which is all right.

Try gradually to slow down the rhythm until a slow count of five or six is possible, with a pause of two or three between breathing in and breathing out.

Become ready. Self-confidence comes easier to the person who is sure their ready.

Strengthen your inner self. Write down in your journal what you will be able to do once you acquire the confidence you need.

Begin changing the things you dislike about yourself. Confidence comes from within. You need to concentrate on the positive things about yourself.

Notice the change in our self-esteem and self-confidence. Reward yourself each time you do something that makes you feel proud…go out some place or take it easy for the day.

Learn how to give and take. Confidence is being able to find a balance between giving help to people and excepting when we need help.

Have a tremendous amount of pride in yourself. Remember, you are number one!

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  • Stacey Chillemi


    The Complete Herbal Guide, Founder and CEO

    Stacey Chillemi is an entrepreneur, bestselling author, speaker & coach. She has empowered hundreds of thousands of people from countries worldwide through her books, websites, e-courses, educational videos, and live events. People from around the world have tapped her for personal coaching. She is a health, lifestyle, and epilepsy coach. In addition, she has changed people's lives through numerous speaking events. Stacey Chillemi has had over 20 books published. She wrote for the Huffington Post, Huff Post, and is currently a writer at Thrive Global. She has been a guest on the Dr. Oz Show 5 times, local news, and numerous radio shows.  Stacey was nominated Top 10 Coach 2023 at Apple News. She has a Podcast called "The Advisor w/ Stacey Chillemi" and has launched a new book, "Empower Yourself: Don't Let Your Conditions Empower You.