Here are 10 useful hacks that I have personally studied and applied for nearly 20 years in my business and personal life.

These positive traits are framed to teach you to be a magnet for healthy relationships. Such attributes will impact how you communicate, and point the way to more interpersonal effectiveness.

1. Be a person of remarkable honesty.

Be true to your character regardless of the outside pressures or temptations to act otherwise. Be willing to accept the consequences of what you consider to be right, at the core of your being. Don’t let others dictate your course. Through raw authenticity, you will take control of life and move forward with confidence.

2. Be reliable.

People love a person who is trustworthy and makes decisions they can count on. Be consistent with what you say you’re going to do, and then do it. Being a person of your word goes a long way.

3. Be humble.

A person who doesn’t raise herself above others is someone who can be trusted. She will gain the favor of others because her humility is not only wise and honorable, but it leads to great knowledge and good judgment.

4. Be insightful.

Cultivating a discerning spirit will let you see things 10 steps ahead of others. Your insights will be persuasive, so others will be drawn to learn from your wisdom, which you will want to find time to impart. And when you do, your gracious words will magnetically command the presence of others.

5. Be a good listener.

While some people see only one option, you take the higher road to listen to advice and counsel from those further down the path of growth. You leverage wise feedback to keep yourself out of trouble and steer you in the right direction.

6. Be self-aware.

Self-awareness can alert you to what relationships to invest in and what advisers to seek counsel from. If you’re having lunch with someone who is spreading malicious things about others, you may be next on his list. Walk away. Also beware of groupthink, as it can quickly lead to a toxic bandwagon that may send your reputation down the toilet.

7. Be intentional about change.

If you’re convinced you can justify a certain behavior, like greed or arrogance, you’re like the frog in boiling water who doesn’t know it’s being boiled alive. Break the cycle of behavior that damages relationships by acquiring new knowledge first. When your blind spots are exposed, take massive action to change that behavior with reckless abandon. You will gain new followers and friends as a result.

8. Be a person of peace.

Troublemakers start fights and gossips break up friendships. Rise above it all–slander, dissension, disputes, finger-pointing–all things that will trouble the heart and leave you in a reactionary stress mode. Be cool-tempered instead of quick-tempered, patient and slow to anger, and wise enough to keep calm and understand the circumstances around you. Be an ambassador for promoting peace.

9. Be smart and thoughtful when you speak.

There’s a saying from an old wise king that goes like this: “Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.” So much conflict, confusion, and misunderstanding comes from our words. Be careful about what you speak, and don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth. Instead, give good and sound advice, and have the other person’s best interest in mind. You’ll get a lot more in return.

10. Be a learner and show interest in the wisdom of others.

This is what initiates the best conversations–learning about what other people do, how they do it, why they do it. People love to talk about themselves, and smart people let them! So be the person who shows up with the humble gesture of “I want to learn from you.”

Originally published at