We’ve all heard it. Countless articles, books, and documentaries have exposed the destructive impact of social media on our mental health and that of young people in particular. We’ve even heard it from whistleblowers including former Meta employee Arturo Béjar, who testified in 2023 that Meta’s leadership ignored clear evidence of harms perpetrated against kids and teens on Instagram and Facebook.
According to internal surveys, approximately 22 percent of Instagram users ages 13 to 15 reported being victims of bullying; 39 percent experienced negative comparison; and 24 percent were subjected to unwanted advances. Béjar stated: “We cannot trust [Meta] with our children.”
How do we eliminate the nefarious grip social media has on our children’s minds, self-esteem, self-images, attitudes, thoughts, and opinions? The best way is a restorative social media makeover, which I’ve articulated in Restoring Our Sanity Online. But that will take time. We—parents and kids especially—need solutions right now.
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a remarkable public advisory in 2023 warning that “adolescents who spend more than three hours per day on social media face double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes, such as symptoms of depression and anxiety.” Correspondingly, a 2023 survey by Gallup found that teens on average spend four to six hours on social apps each day.
I’m one of the inventors of social media, and a leading privacy and kids online safety zealot—and also a concerned parent. I have over 25 years of experience leading social media platforms with millions of users worldwide. With my years of experience in the social media trenches, here are 10 commonsense recommendations for parents to help protect their kids:
- Restrict phones/social media late at night: Kids need more sleep than adults. Experts recommend that preteens and teens get 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night. Insufficient sleep can hinder their moods, ability to focus, and performance at school. Mitch Prinstein, chief science officer of the American Psychological Association, said that screen time at night is the “Number one reason for disrupted sleep, and we now have science to say disrupted sleep is literally affecting the size of teens’ brains.” Set clear rules against phone/screen usage past any time that might prevent a full night’s sleep (perhaps 8pm or 9pm). In tandem, set rules against phones in the bedroom overnight.
- Encourage critical thinking: As stated by Dr. Brian Wilcox, professor of psychology and director of the Center on Children, Families and the Law, “Because younger children do not understand persuasive intent in advertising, they are easy targets for commercial persuasion.” Kids can be manipulated by talking tigers peddling sugary cereals and cigarette-smoking camels in leather jackets. What hope do they have against highly targeted and sophisticated marketers on social media? That’s why it’s more important than ever to teach your kids the virtues of critical thinking. The American Philosophical Association suggests starting early, as soon as preschool. The association’s recommendations include encouraging kids to ask questions, considering alternative explanations and solutions, and talking about biases.
- Promote balance: Encourage your kids to take frequent breaks from social media and to balance their usage with other hobbies, such as sports and other physical activities, reading, and spending time face-to-face with friends.
- Talk about mental health: Have candid and nonjudgmental conversations with your kids about the potential negative effects of social media on their mental well-being. Jeff Hancock, the founding director of the Stanford Social Media Lab, recommends asking your kids “Do you feel like you have control over social media, or do you feel like it’s controlling you?” He also recommends opening this conversation with something relatable, like “Hey, I sometimes have a hard time not being on my phone all the time. Do you ever struggle with that?”
- Call out cyberbullying: Talk to your kids about online bullying and let them know to report any abuse to you. Teach your kids to not waste energy responding to bullies with anger and not to give bullies the satisfaction of the emotional reaction they seek.
- Use parental controls: Consider using parental software or the parental supervision settings available within current social apps. These can help you supervise your child’s online activity and restrict their access to inappropriate content.
- Promote responsible digital citizenship: Show your kid how to be a responsible citizen on the Web. Teach them to be respectful to others online—there are real people with feelings on the other side of their screens, after all.
- Limit your kid’s phone when at school: Whenever appropriate, limit your kid’s phone access when they’re at school, perhaps by keeping it at home. Fortunately, schools are helping you by frequently implementing their own bans. As an example of a major move in the right direction, the Los Angeles Unified School District (the second largest school district in the United States) voted in 2024 to ban the use of cellphones and social media for its K-12 students during school days. When needed, your kids can ask a friend’s parent or teacher to contact you. If a phone is necessary, then keep it simple. A flip phone with calling and texting functionality is the perfect first phone. We can also help our kids learn the ins and outs of our (parents) smartphones. This exposure comes with supervision, discussions on content and critical thinking, and limits to their time and content choices. The inevitability awaits—they will have smartphones. Preparation for that moment is our responsibility.
- Wait to give your kids their own phones: Resist pressure to give your kid a phone too early. Do your best to wait until they’re at least 13. There’s plenty of evidence that giving your kid a smartphone too soon may inadvertently harm them.
- Set a good example: I know this may be hard for many of us whose work and personal lives are melded to our phones. But it’s crucial that we as parents are mindful of our own Web and social media usage. It’s important that we demonstrate to our kids how to use social media in a responsible and balanced manner. A 2024 survey by Pew Research found that nearly half of teens say their parents get distracted by their phones during family conversations. If your children see you prioritizing your phone, they’re likely to mimic your behavior—it’s our actions they will copy, regardless of our golden words.
Here’s the bottom line. Make sure to cherry-pick and adopt a few key guidelines from this list for yourself too. Then everybody in the family wins!
Restoring Our Sanity Online is the entertaining, informative, and frequently jaw-dropping social media reset by Mark Weinstein, contemporary tech leader, privacy expert, and one of the visionary inventors of social networking. “This book is a must-read for anyone concerned with where we are today and looking for a better path forward.” ―Steve Wozniak, Co-founder, Apple Inc.Excerpted with permission from the publisher, Wiley, from Restoring Our Sanity Online: A Revolutionary Social Framework by Mark Weinstein. Copyright © 2024 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved. This book is available wherever books and eBooks are sold.