Humans are incredibly resilient beings, but we need to heal at every interval of life. Healing isn’t something we do once then never do again—it’s an everyday endeavor. We go through life mending old wounds but not realizing that at the same time, new ones are being inflicted. In our efforts to overcome pain, we might choose to ignore what hurts us and bury it into our subliminal mind. But when we don’t resolve former traumas, we spend the rest of our lives either manifesting or rejecting them. We must continuously restore harmony within ourselves. It is in only this way that we become more powerful than pain.

A resilient heart makes a night-and-day difference. When you’re broken, you attract broken people and situations. If you’re hurt, sick, or stuck, you’re not the most complete version of you. You can’t offer others the best of you and you also can’t receive the best from them. But when you’re whole, you experience the world differently. You act from the seat of compassion and understanding, so you make wiser decisions that lead to better outcomes for all. You vibrate at your highest frequency, achieving your goals with ease and grace. You treat people and the world with greater respect and reverence. The divine things you dream of can only materialize once you’re healed, because only when you’re well on the inside can you welcome blessings.

Here are 11 steps to regain resilience after hardship and truly heal, day after day:

1. Look within. Maybe you’ve been looking on the outside for solutions when they’ve been inside you all along. The truth is that all the healing you need is already within, but you must perform your inner work to reawaken hope. Another person can’t and won’t heal for you; you alone must pass through that process. Right now, you hold the full potential to separate your past from your present, rebuild a solid sense of self, and bounce back from any adversity. The first step is to start with yourself.

2. Start a prayer routine. No matter your creed, communication with the Divine is an essential healing tool. When you keep in contact with the universe, Spirit supports your ambitions and guides you down the right path. Start praying, today. Say short prayers throughout the day, like when you wake up, are driving, exercising, before you eat, and before you go to bed. Simply speak to the Divine, thanking it for always being by your side and releasing your innermost thoughts, concerns, and questions.

3. Forgive to heal. Know that no matter what happened, you always have the ability to make yourself whole again, and it starts by forgiving. Forgiveness shifts the course of your life by disengaging you from harmful thoughts and behaviors. It sets you free from suffering and liberates you to seek new opportunities. By infusing each day with forgiveness, you unburden, unblock, and unbind your life. You regain control of your decisions and move forward with wisdom and fresh drive. Forgiveness restores freedom.

4. Change your environment. Staying in a place that carries heavy, stultifying energy stands in the way of a positive future. Sometimes the best way to beget resilience is to remove yourself from an environment that’s burdened by bad memories. Don’t be afraid to leave behind a place that’s depriving you of health and happiness. If you have to move, then move. If you feel it’s time to change jobs, then start applying for new positions. You never know what great things can happen under the energy of a new environment.

5. Release your emotions. Instead of stifling your emotions, allow them to flow through you and out of you. Feel your pain, frustration, anger, or sadness unconditionally, then replace it with a more positive emotion. Take several slow, deep breaths. Deep breathing helps regenerate tissue, increases the circulation of lymphatic fluid, and promotes better function of the respiratory system. With each slow inhalation, you’ll feel your body fill up with pure energy. As you exhale, imagine that pent-up toxicity is being pushed out by your breath. Affirmations for mood control are also effective. Whenever you’re overwhelmed, repeat to yourself, “I choose to surrender my [negative emotion] and replace it with [positive emotion]. I banish [negative emotion] from my heart, mind, and soul. I choose to nurture love, abundance, joy, and faith within me.”

6. Take a leap of faith. There might be something you’d like to do but perhaps you’ve been putting it off because you’re afraid of failure. The best time to take a leap of faith is when you’re exercising resilience. Break out of that dead-end job, write a book, make an important phone call, end a toxic relationship, or take any other initiative to which you’re intuitively drawn. Take away the excuses, engage in that commitment, and watch how things work in your favor.

7. Value alone time. Take one hour each day to be by yourself and cherish alone time. When you go out to eat, ask for a table for one, put away your phone, and dine with yourself. Reflect on your progress and setbacks, and recognize that your problems are only temporary. Try to be among nature and reconnect with the grace of the natural world, of which you are an integral part. Acknowledge what a blessing it is to be able to rely on yourself and have a dependable, healthy relationship with your incredible being.

8. Try new and old things. Maybe you had to give up things you loved to do because you don’t have enough time or because you have to take care of everyone else. Return to your first love, whether it’s reading, dancing, going to school, or designing clothes. Do whatever uplifts your spirit and makes you smile. Similarly, engage in hobbies you’ve never tried before. You can paint, draw, write, plant, meditate, or do anything that teaches your mind and body a brand-new skill. Disengage from your usual routine and have a go at a new craft that promotes creativity and emotional flow.

9. Distance yourself from negative influences. Chances are that some people who aren’t good for you might still be lingering in your life, like the ex-partner who still calls or the friend who’s judgmental. Such influences depreciate your value and contribute nothing to your evolution. The rule of thumb is that if you can go thirty days without someone and not miss them, you don’t need them. Put your emotional intelligence to good use to discern the true intentions of others and distance yourself from negativity.

10. Don’t repeat behaviors that hurt you. If someone or something hurt you once, they will hurt you again. Steer clear of people, behaviors, and situations that have harmed you and choose not to repeat mistakes from the past. Think through every decision and take actions that encourage your emotional restoration and overall wellbeing.

11. Choose to live in the present. They say that time heals all wounds, but this isn’t always the case. We’re under the impression that time smooths over emotional damage, when in reality it can carve our scars more deeply. You will only know whether you’re truly healed from past experiences when you introspect with honesty and without fear. Remember that you are the one who must let things go in order for them to come to an end, not time. Time will only push the memories further down your subconscious. If something still exists in your mind, it will continue to exist in your reality. You will discover resilience once you recognize that only here and now hold power.

Practice these steps to resilience each day to experience deep healing on all levels of being.

To your resilience,

Dr. Carmen Harra


  • Dr. Carmen Harra

    Intuitive Psychologist & Relationship Expert

    Dr. Carmen Harra is a world-renowned intuitive psychologist, best-selling author, radio show host, and relationship expert. Over the past 30 years, Carmen has helped over 40,000 people rediscover peace of mind, reclaim personal power, and regain joy. Her clients include people from all walks of life, from the lady next door to Hollywood celebrities and eminent politicians. Carmen uniquely combines the normal with the paranormal to deliver powerful positive change: tried and tested cognitive therapy coupled with the ancient arts of numerology, mediumship, and incredible intuition.

    Carmen has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, New York Post, and New York Daily News, and on shows like Good Morning America, The View, Good Day New York, the Today show, and many more.

    She’s the author of international best-sellers like Everyday Karma, Decoding Your Destiny, The Eleven Eternal Principles, and The Karma Queens' Guide to Relationships, among others. Her eighth book, Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes, was released in June 2021, and she's now working on a new book.

    Carmen has also hosted call-in shows on Hay House Radio, WOR Radio, and WABC Radio. She currently hosts two popular weekly shows: Miracle Guidance for Everyday Life Tuesdays on OMTimes Radio and Live Now! Fridays on KMET 1490 AM / ABC News Radio Affiliate.