Does life feel like a battle for control sometimes or all the time? It’s exhausting right? People just don’t do things as well or in the same way as you…or fast enough.
Control is a strange thing though…
When you let go of control, you’ll feel more in control. When you hold on tightly to it, it never comes. Strange but true.
Trust me on this! I was a typical control freak. I think most women can identify.
If you can control everything you feel like you’re winning at life. But it never actually feels like that does it?
The need to control your life creates:
- crazy mad schedules that even Wonder Woman couldn’t squeeze in
- forgetting things and then feeling cross that you forgot them.
- constantly looking for anything or anyone who might scupper your plans
- partners and friends not living up to your standards or speeds and you taking away any control they had by doing it yourself
- you taking on more and more and just about keeping all those plates spinning
This equals….
- Anxiety
- Negative self talk
- Resentment of others
- Overload
And after a while…
- Numbness
- Not even daring to look outside your (not even real) bubble of control.
Then the tiniest thing bursts that bubble and you realise what a house of cards your control was.
But you rebuild it.
Eat, sleep, rinse, repeat.
My life was like this!
I was depressed, anxious, stressed, worried, sleep deprived, forgetting to eat properly, spiralling.
The more control I felt I needed.
The further away it seemed.
So….How do you let go in a way that appeals to how you feel?
Start small… but get BIG results….
1. Challenge yourself to create the mother of all “to do” lists.
Keep it on you at all times.
Write everything and anything on that list.
Even “go for a wee” (I used to neglect this because I was busy trying to get control of everything else).
Writing it all down means you have more bandwidth in your mind.
You don’t need to hold all that in your head.
Write it down and KNOW it’s safe on your list.
2. Take a break!
Yup, I know…
Who has the time right?
But even if you just grab 5 mins for you, you’ll feel better.
Don’t read, or check your phone, or organise, or anything.
Just take 5 mins for nothing.
Nothing is going to change in that five minutes that you have any control over anyway so take it!
But it will change how you feel for the better.
3. BREATHE
We just never seem to prioritize breathing do we?
Even when we know we should take some deep breaths, there are times when we simply don’t have the
Energy or inclination
WTF? We don’t even have the energy or inclination to even breath?????
But it’s true isn’t it!
We need to work on that!
Take 5 deep breaths every day..
More if possible.
Breath in to your hips.
5 times.
Simples?!
Ok, ok, I know, even if we have the best intentions this could be hard.
So I front and end load my day…
Before I get up
- I breath five times
- And enjoy 5 mins of nothing
- I update my to do list
- And get my day done.
Then reverse it for the time just before I go to sleep.
After just a few days of this, you feel lighter.
Your need for control will have loosened slightly.
In a few short weeks, you’ll notice you’ve let go of a lot of things.
- Things that don’t matter as much as they did before.
- You’ll see other people stepping up.
- You’ll have fewer priorities and less stress.
- You’ll feel better.
- You’ll sleep better.
Your to do list AKA your removable hard drive, will be your memory so you are free to let go of the need to remember everything.
You’ll start to see how control is about letting go.