A few years ago I was at a crossroads when it came to relationships in my life. If I was ever going to be the friend, boyfriend, husband, and father I wanted to be, something was going to have to change. Up to that point, I wasn’t very good at fostering healthy relationships in my life. I knew I needed to become an expert with people. But what are the secrets in doing so?
It was time to get help and figure it out. On this journey of becoming an expert at relationships, I discovered something incredible early on. I realized that my dent in this world — my legacy — wasn’t going to be found in stuff, but in people.
This was going to be my life moving forward. I was no longer going to avoid the pain and hurt relationships often bring. No longer was I going to remain closed to those around me. I decided I was going to go all in and spend my life investing in people.
I learned a valuable lesson through this journey that will carry me through the rest of my life:
Relationships Are Everything.
I had wasted years not putting these three words into practice. As I lived these words out, I began to notice those around me who were good at relationships. They were healthy, happy and able to walk through some of the most difficult moments in life because they chose to not do life alone.
I wanted to mimic what they were doing. I needed to learn their secrets. The closer I looked I began to notice one quality continuing to stick out in those who thrived in their relationships. They were learners.
These people were students of everything in life. All they did was apply their love for learning towards people and it changed everything for them.
So what makes a learner of life so great at relationships? What are their secrets? They’ve learned to follow three simple practices:
1. Learners of people are great listeners
Diving deep into healthy relationships begins (and ends) with the power of keeping quiet and listening. Learners do this very well.
Listening will get you far in this world. The relationship experts of our day didn’t get there by talking people’s ears off. They got there by listening. When you listen to others, you are validating their desire to be seen and heard. It’s powerful.
When you listen to others, you are validating their desire to be seen and heard. It’s powerful.
When was the last time you sat down to listen to someone talk with no agenda? Yeah, me too. Trust me, I’ve been there. Loads of talking only leads to loneliness. Learn to become a great listener to build strong relationships.
Try this Pro Tip:
Have a conversation with someone close this week with the sole purpose of listening to them. That’s it. You may not reap the reward in the moment, but that isn’t important. You will be investing in relational equity that will build over time. This is what you want.
Listening in our relationships is a deposit. Talking too much is a withdraw. Learn to become better listeners.
2. Learners of people are intentional
The most relationally healthy people in the entire world understand the power of being intentional. Intentionality doesn’t start in front of a large crowd. It begins with the person sitting across the dinner table from you.
Intentionality begins with one.
Those who choose to thrive in a relational economy are people who make the room feel small. They talk to people on a personal level. They approach and listen to them, fully present.
Those who choose to thrive in a relational economy are people who make the room feel small. They talk to people on a personal level. They approach and listen to them, fully present.
Each of us is wired with the capacity to be intentional. We are wired this way because this is how we want to be treated. Intentionality has become a lost art we need to discover and put into practice again.
Try this Pro Tip:
Start small. This week, sit down with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Focus 100% on them. Turn all the attention to them and how their life is. This is an easy assignment. You’ve got this.
Give your time away to others intentionally. You will see it come back ten fold.
3. Learners of people ask good questions
The best learners of anything have learned how to ask good questions. They get involved in whatever they are learning and refuse to give in to shallow. Learners want to go deep. To go deep you have to ask good questions.
Learning to ask good questions doesn’t happen overnight, but the practice does. It happens with the dedication to those you want to invest in. Good questions come over time.
Good questions also don’t involve small talk. Men have mastered the art of small talk and need to move on to deeper conversations if they want to crack the relationship code.
Try this Pro Tip:
In your next conversation with someone, don’t just ask them about their day. Ask them how their job is going, listen to their response and then ask them another question based on the response you got. Think deeper. See where this leads you.
Asking good questions over and over helps you to recover the power of relationships in your life.
Your Call to Action…
- You don’t have to suck at relationships. Grab my free guide today and get started on becoming a relationship expert. Click Here to Download it Now.
- Which of these do you struggle with the most? Pick one and take action today. Not tomorrow — today. I would love to hear your thoughts below.