At one point or another everyone gets rejected. It is a part of the journey of life. When someone you love rejects you, it feels like an ice pick has been stabbed right into your heart. The pain is unbearable, and you do not think it will ever go away. We have all been there at one time or another. Some of us try to cope with rejection by escaping reality via addiction and substance abuse. These actions usually numb the pain temporarily but never treat the underlying problem.

Rejection is a powerful emotional state that needs to be managed and processed in a healthy manner. However, that is easier said than done. That’s because we interpret rejection as an invalidation of our self-worth. While this might occasionally be true, it’s not always the case.

Here are a few reasons why rejection occurs in a relationship

#1 — Your Partner Is Not Ready

Sometimes the person who rejects you is not emotionally ready. In our haste to find “the one,” most of us act without considering the other person’s current emotional state. People go through life with baggage. Some people deal with their issues quickly while others do not. When you fall in love with someone who has not thoroughly dealt with their baggage, you have no right to impose your feelings on them.

They may choose to opt out of the relationship because they need time to come to terms with their issues and learn to love themselves again. That does not make them evil as painful as that might be for you. It makes them human. Emotional scars run deep. The only two antidotes for emotional scars are time and love.

If you feel the person rejecting you is “the one” then you must be willing to take a step back and let that person go with love. Letting go means loving them enough to see them happy even if it is not with you. As time passes, some of those scars will heal, and the spark that once existed may rekindle into a brighter flame. On the other hand, it is entirely possible that things will never work out between the two of you. You must learn to accept this a possible outcome. In that situation be magnanimous enough to continue still to love that person in your heart and not hold a grudge. Try and remember the good times you shared together and treasure them for joy and happiness they gave you at the time.

#2 — You Might Not Be Ready

As much as it wounds our ego to admit it, sometimes we might not be ready for the relationship. When we are told “No,” we often, react to the rejection defensively. We start to rationalize and analyze the situation to find out what went wrong. Men, in particular, have a tendency to want to reverse engineer the circumstances in order to find a single point of failure that can be corrected.

The truth is, there is usually no single point of failure. Human beings are complicated and have complex needs. As such, it is possible that the rejection may not be personal. It could mean that your current circumstances might not be right for what the other person wants and needs at that point in their life.

In this case, you need to do some deep self-reflection, and appropriately assess if you are capable entering your ideal relationship. You may need to work on things like your appearance and physique, your employment and living situation, or even your communication skills. Your perfect mate might have certain standards concerning their desired lifestyle and are unwilling to settle for anything less. Understand this and take steps to become the best version of yourself.

#3 — You Are Not Pushing All The Right Buttons

Romantic relationships are the most complex of all human relationships. In platonic friendships, people can bond over a particular issue and build a long term friendship based on that issue alone. The friendship may not grow to become more significant beyond that one issue.

In professional relationships, you and your colleagues can bond based on the professional duties you share during the work day. In many cases, most people limit their “work friendships” to the confines of the office and nothing more. The goal here is to create an alliance that serves your individual needs when necessary.

In romantic relationships, your partner needs to experience emotional variety in order to bond with you in a meaningful way. You have to hit all the buttons to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Therefore you must share your real feelings and hold nothing back. If you are upset about something, let them know, if you are stuck in a rut do something surprising and unpredictable. Keep them guessing in a good way, not in a way they think you are off your meds. Shake things up from time to time.

Most people approach relationships with the same tired “nice guy” routine that your partner has seen from seven other suitors just like you. They are afraid to be real and do not want to cause friction. That might appear like a good strategy on the surface, but it is usually a recipe for disaster. A great relationship is like a piano; you can only make beautiful music if you use all the keys and the pedals. If you stick to playing only white keys or only black keys, you will never be able to create a beautiful melody.

Life is about sharing the entirety of your soul with someone. If you only share one part of yourself, you communicate that you are too insecure to let your partner know the real you. You become another commodity that can be easily replaced. Why should someone take a chance on you if you can be easily replaced? That is why “bad boy” types always seem so appealing. They may not be the right choice in the long run, but they do keep things interesting in the short term.

#4 — You Are Only Interested In Sex

If you are only interested in sex, then your advances will be shut down pretty quickly. Women can tell if you are only interested in sex based on the way you joke with her, undress her with your eyes or consistently flirt with every other woman in a 12 block radius. If she is interested in sex why should she settle for you when she can have her pick of men with one swipe to the right on Tinder. You need to stop being so horny and needy and start approaching the relationship from a better perspective.

The average 27-year-old woman has 27 years worth of life experience under her belt. Here’s a tip take the time to find out her life story, learn what drives her crazy, what makes her laugh, her favorite vacation spot, her unspoken fantasies and all the crazy shenanigans she got into when she was in high school or college. You would be surprised to find that the pretty face you are trying to seduce is a very complex and multi-dimensional character. If you can take a genuine interest in your partner, you will never run out of conversation topics and the relationship will be richer and healthier.