We all have times in our life when we think that we do not belong here, and this place is just not right for me, and the loneliness in heart acts as a motivator for feeling bad, shattered, and empty. The sense of being abandoned is the most dangerous feeling anyone could have. Feeling empty may cause not only psychological but physiological problems as well. The person may face many issues of heart and brain with a higher rate of strokes.
I always had plenty of buddies and would surround myself with individuals always. My entire vacation was worked out of being a social butterfly. I was with people to such an extent that I persuaded myself I was an outgoing individual. I hauled myself into more upbeat hours than I’d the spending financial plan for, didn’t miss a birthday, and highly esteemed the one individual everybody can depend on. It’d take a long time to comprehend I was covertly self-observer with extraordinary people satisfying propensities.
And although I was a social dude, I was very lonely inside. During the years, I’ve learned ways to handle these folks’ pleasing trends and feel like myself.
4 Top Tips To Achieve Sense of Belonging
The following are four top tricks to use whenever you find alone with no one to hold and a sense of “not-belonging.”
1. Question Your Core Beliefs
According to Joanna Filidor, an author at Talkspace LMFT, people with a feeling of emptiness or a sense of not belonging to a place are the ones who have usually been fighting this loneliness their entire lives. By way of example, if you grew up feeling different, you may have a core belief that I don’t belong, these kinds of core beliefs become tacky and start to shape the way you see the world.
According to Filidor, as we move in our lives, we often pay attention to when we had the incident feeling of not belonging and not on the overall experience where you belonged to the group. Your brain only remembers the particular incident to support the core belief one has.
For super-sensitive people like me, one thing I realized was that the more inner work is done, the more you encage yourself without any reason and lack to create a sense of self.
2. Practice the Self-Acceptance Unconditionally
There are times when you find yourself utterly lonely in a place full of people, and still, no one to talk to. One of the remedies that help most people in situations like this is self-love and self-acceptance. If you love and accept yourself only then, you’ll be able to pull yourself together. But the more you think about it, the more you’ll suffer. The best thing to do in a situation like this is not to try to be accepted. If you decide to be taken, you’ll never be accepted or at least feel out of place. Just believe that this place is yours, and you do not need to adjust to it. You should not try to fit in and try to say as much as possible to have a conversation. If you decide to fit-in, then you’ll always try to fit-in. So, go with the flow and talk when you have something in mind to add up to the on-going conversation or start a new discussion that you want to talk about. Don’t just say stuff only because you have to but instead, want to.
3. Don’t Say “Or” Instead Use “And.”
There are times when we feel that “I have a place with my companions yet not with my family”. Or it may be that “my work yet not my organization”. Or on the other hand, it that I do not get along with “the White people group however not the Asian people group”. Or the opposite way around that “the Asian people group yet not the White people group”. It may also be the case that “my marriage yet not the area wherein we live”.
Having a place is multi-faceted, and it’s essential to regard the multi-faceted nature of your emotions about the spaces in which you believe you do or don’t have a place. According to Filidor, whenever anyone has a sense of loneliness and in a state of conflicting personalities, this is the point when one should emphasize more upon “and” rather than the conventional usage of “or” As she clarifies, “We can be a certain something and another simultaneously, regardless of whether those negate.” Just considering the trick that you can feel from different perspectives, even though you have contrasting opinions, allows you to have a relaxed and tolerating feeling about your real self.
4. Healing Yourself Must Be Top Priority
No one would be able to get together if they do not learn the art of healing yourself. We should never accept anyone to come up to you and make you happy or heal up your heart. You have to do that yourself. The best way to live a happy life is not to expect anything from anyone. When you do not put expectations from people, you would be able to live comfortably without the feeling of regret, loneliness, hopelessness, and a sense of “not belonging.”
Mastering the art of healing yourself will help you your entire life. Devoting yourself to inner work and having your healing process work fast as a priority is an essential step towards a sense of belonging. We won’t be able to able to shift our behaviors, relationships, and our mindsets from negative to positive if we are unaware that it requires changing.
Today in our unrealistic world, we are all covered by masks of fashion, luxury, and success. Masks about people we are not, showcasing that there is nothing lonely, and everyone has everything is also a cause of our sense of “not belonging.” As much as I am complicated, the more effort you need to put into making yourself realize that it is not the truth and just a cover-up. You are worthy and do not have to be anyone else, accept the person you are. If people like you, then you are ok and if they don’t, then you’re ok as well.