As a leader, I was always easy to read. I was either happy or frustrated.

I had no idea what all those “other emotions” meant, or what to do with them. I especially had no idea what I was missing.

Growing up in an Italian-American home, I don’t recall seeing or experiencing any other emotions. We were either running around hugging or yelling at each other!

I couldn’t name my feelings. And I certainly would not have known what to do with them if I could! I moved through life, not paying much attention to any feeling outside of being happy or frustrated!

And, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.

Sound Familiar?

Maybe you have experienced something similar? I have a friend who says he remembers hearing the following:

  • Don’t be mad. Don’t let them know you are hurt.
  • Don’t be sad.
  • Don’t worry. You’ll be fine!
  • You need to learn to leave your emotions at the door.
  • Fuhgeddaboudit (forget about it!) ?

Whether he knew it or not, he was learning to stuff, ignore, and possibly even avoid his emotions.

So How Do You Feel?

Early in my career, I remember one of the first big conflicts I experienced in the work setting. After some intense conflict resolution, a senior manager asked me how I felt about it. I came up with nothing! I had no idea how to even name how I was feeling.

I realized it was time to do something about that.

The Purpose of Emotions

Emotions are important and they serve a purpose. They provide you with data points throughout the day and ultimately influence your thoughts, reactions, decisions, and your abilities.

Ultimately, being smart with your emotions, otherwise known as Emotional Intelligence (EQ), will help you make decisions and influence others.


Whether you are a Leader, a parent, or a student, identifying your feelings and understanding the messages they provide will help you navigate the complexities of life.

1. Your EQ impacts your EFFECTIVENESS and your ability to generate positive results in all areas of your life.

People with high EQ are aware of how they react under pressure. They know how to make adjustments along the way so they can stay focused and achieve their goals. They are motivated by their values and goals, and they can align their choices to what matters most.

  • If you were to rate the different areas of your life…career, relationships, social, financial, spiritual, hobbies, etc….how effective are you?
  • Are you content with each of these areas? Do you wish you could be more effective in any or all of these areas?
  • How do you make decisions? How effective are your decisions?

2. Your EQ impacts your RELATIONSHIPS and your ability to build strong interpersonal connections with others, in all areas of your life.

People with high EQ have the capacity to build and maintain networks. They use empathy and take time to listen to others and seek to understand. They are optimistic and able to navigate their emotions in tough situations. People love to follow Leaders with high EQ.

  • How would you describe your relationships with your co-workers, friends, family, kids, and spouse?
  • How would others describe your relationship with them? Do they feel heard? Cared for?
  • How much influence do you have with others?
  • Do you have mutually caring connections with others? Do you feel supported?

3. Your EQ impacts your overall WELL-BEING and your ability to maintain optimal energy and functioning.

People with high EQ are able to manage health and wellness in a way that brings them optimal energy and focus. They ruthlessly eliminate stress and busyness, and practice self-care and self-discipline to live a healthy lifestyle.

  • If you were to look at the different areas of your life, do you have a sense of balance?
  • How well are you managing stress and your schedule? Are you fully present when you need to be?
  • Do you find time to take care of yourself getting plenty of sleep, exercise, and maintaining a healthy diet?

4. Your EQ impacts your QUALITY OF LIFE and your ability to achieve your full potential personally and professionally.

People with high EQ realize their true potential in their careers and life, lifting self-imposed ceilings and eliminating temporary roadblocks. They are able to balance life and align their daily choices to their noble goal.

  • What does success look like to you?
  • Do you feel like you have meaningful goals in your life?


All of these outcomes are directly correlated with your ability to demonstrate Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Each one of the areas listed above can be enhanced and made stronger with greater Emotional Intelligence coaching.

So, are you curious to know what your Emotional Intelligence looks like?

Are you ready to learn what Emotional Intelligence competencies will make you stand out as a leader? As a parent? As a student? Do you want to experience a greater sense of effectiveness, stronger relationships, an overall sense of wellbeing, and live a full life?

Contact me today to complete the SEI, an Emotional Intelligence Assessment developed by Six Seconds.

I am a Chicago-based consultant and coach helping individuals and organizations grow in their emotional intelligence.
In addition to being a wife and a mom of two young adults, I am also a certified coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), a Certified EQ Assessor and Chicago Area Network Leader with Six Seconds, a Panelist with the Six Seconds EQ Community Forum, and a regular contributor with 30 Seconds.
Throughout my career, there has been a consistent theme of helping others grow and develop. I love to listen to people’s stories, help them see things from new perspectives, and come to “ah-ha” moments so they move forward!
My combined experience working as a consultant with Fortune 100 organizations, and working with students and adults in church ministry, gives me a unique consulting and coaching platform.

Originally published at on July 19, 2016.

Originally published at