Have you reached a stage in your life when you are questioning the direction you are going in? Many women hit the age of 40 and start questioning whether their current journey through life is fulfilling them anymore.

Our mid life years should be something to look forward to rather than be feared.

You can change your way of thinking that its “all downhill from now on”.

It is possible to age without the deterioration of ageing.

Whatever path you have taken up until now, as you reach your mid life years, you may be feeling restless or even stuck for all sorts of reasons:-

When you are young, you tend to make a list of how you would like your life to be. This may involve an achievement, your ideal job, getting married, having a family, owning a special make of car etc.

You suddenly hit mid life and then you realise that everything on your list has been accomplished and this leaves you to wonder where to go next.

Your current career path may not be quite right for you anymore or you are finding it more challenging than you thought. There may be younger colleagues with more experience that are getting promoted which is leaving you feeling stuck and unfulfilled.

Your children may be grown up and are moving home, so you can feel a bit lost when a busy household suddenly becomes less busy.

Maybe your personal life isn’t giving you what you need anymore which is leading you to re-consider your relationship with your partner. More and more marriages are failing in mid life than ever before.

There is a reason that this can be happening in mid life. Estrogen is dropping and testosterone increasing and this can mean that you are taking on more male characteristics and suddenly you are yearning for more out of life.

Around this time you may also become more body conscious especially when you are used to lots of attention from the opposite sex. Maybe you have noticed a bit more fat around your middle developing which results in low self esteem.

I want to share with you some attitudes that you can do adopt to help with mid life changes.


Right now you are feeling comfortable with your familiar surroundings but maybe unfulfilled, stuck and not sure how to make changes. This is a time to take back control and make decisions on what to do next. You want to achieve more but you are failing to make a start. You may be experiencing some of the points mentioned earlier such as job changes, relationship changes or home changes. Start by thinking about what you need and want for yourself. There is a saying which is “Your attention goes where your energy flows”. Which means that whatever you put your attention to, this will be creating the outcome or reality for you. To get out of this stage, you can start to write a journal of your passions and wants or even start creating a vision board. You can do this by buying a notice board and pinning photographs of everything you love and want to change in your life. You could create a Pinterest page and start pinning what you desire and want on this page. By doing this you are putting a message out to the universe what it is that will make you truly happy. You can re-set your conscious mind to align with your unconscious mind to start bringing your wants and desires into reality.


Once you have identified what you really want out of life, it’s time to start taking the first step towards making it a reality which means that you want to take control of your thoughts and take responsibility for your own future. Thoughts become things and whatever goes on in your head you bring into reality. The first step is to realise that there is more going on with your thoughts than you realised and once you start changing them, the future can appear much brighter. You determine whether you achieve your goals or not, you have the power to chose your thoughts and whether they will help or hinder you.

One of the important things to do is to replace these thoughts with positive and inspiring ones. Develop the habit of being aware of what is going on in your mind. A lot of thoughts, both positive and negative, go through our heads each day, so start keeping track of them.

You could make a chart and on one side write “positive thoughts” and on the other side “negative thoughts”. Carry this with you everywhere you go and check in on yourself and pay more attention to your thoughts so you can make a note of them every day over 7 days. At the end of the 7 days, look at the chart to assess where you are to enable you to make changes.


To see your life more clearly, its essential that you get in touch with your own values and beliefs in order to see what is important to you.

Find something that you are truly passionate about and pursue it, it will lead to a better outcome than if you continue doing something that makes you unhappy. Write in a journal your daily activities over a period of 7 days. Look back at your journal and see what your focus is on and whether you want to focus more on those activities or make changes such as spending more time with family or friends. What value do these activities give you and can they make you truly happy.


By now, you will have identified who you really are. Now have the courage to go after what matters to you. In mid life women think that it’s better to be secure than be happy but this will only lead to frustration and disappointment in the long run. Don’t be afraid of disappointing other people along the way to pursue what it is that you want in your life. It’s impossible to go through life keeping other people happy so you may find that now you start to question your existing relationships. Your true friends will want to know about your life changes and want to help you and encourage you along this journey. They may actually love the way you are taking action in your life to create more happiness for yourself.

This is your time, Be true to yourself and everything will fall into place, have faith in that.

I would love to hear your mid life story by joining my perimenopause group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/PerimenopauseHeaven/

Originally published at medium.com