Do you remember the song by American singer-songwriter Kelis called ‘Caught Out There’, with the signature yell “I hate you so much right now!”
Feel that way about your ex or the situation?
Wish that they would fall into the fiery pits of hell?
If so… hold no shame, blame or guilt! Let off some steam if you need to. Scream, shout, let it all out!
It’s important to understand and accept that anger is a real human emotion; one which many of us find difficult to express.
If you’re feeling anger, it is fair to assume that there is a valid reason for that anger.
You may be angry at your ex, angry at yourself, angry at whomever you blame for causing the breakup, or you may even be angry at a higher power such as God, the Universe.
In the vast majority of cases, anger is a superficial covering for something else. It is expressed when we are afraid to express what we are really feeling, which almost always, in some combination, is hurt, fear and frustration.
You may have feelings of rejection and abandonment – how dare you do this to me? I don’t deserve this!
However your anger shows up, know that it is important for you to feel it, acknowledge it and express the full extent of your anger in a way that doesn’t hurt or harm anyone, including yourself, physically, emotionally and mentally.
How Can You Do This?
By giving yourself permission to H.A.T.E. your ex! Yes, be their number one “hater!”
Although, this isn’t in the way you’re probably thinking.
To H.A.T.E. your ex is to find healthy, safe and constructive ways to express your anger and release any low vibes you are carrying about them and the situation.
The situation has happened and no one is saying you need to condone your ex’s actions, but holding onto grudges, pain and resentment isn’t serving you.
By H.A.T.E.’ing your ex, you’ll be empowered to counteract the setback of the breakup, so you can bounce back stronger than ever! Ready to receive something bigger and better for you!
Here are 4 ways to H.A.T.E. your ex, by letting go of any funky, stale energy so you can heal, move forward and stay in your diamond-dazzling personal power!
Now that is the ultimate self-care!
H = Honour The REAL You
The breakup may have caused you to not feel like yourself.
Affirmations are fabulous for helping to shift your beliefs and your thoughts, feelings and emotions about your ex, yourself and the situation from a low vibe such as anger to a higher vibe like calmness.
These statements or phrases, written or stated in the positive, can be repeated many times in order to replace limiting beliefs and weaken your habitual negative thinking. By doing so, you are literally rewiring your brain, allowing you to have a more peaceful, chilled-out state of mind.
The main thing is to choose an affirmation that fits with the REAL you – not a warped perception of who you are, that feels good, relaxes you and you can begin repeating straightaway.
“I AM” affirmations are particularly powerful, because these types of statements are aligned to your identity, which is a key motivator for self-change.
This one might call to you:
“I AM deserving of a healthy, loving, diamond-dazzling relationship”
Writing affirmations on a post-it-note and sticking them on the doors and places around the home, such as a refrigerator, mirror and cupboards is a beautiful reminder as you walk through your home of the gorgeous person you truly are.
A = Appreciation
Having an “attitude of gratitude” is one of the most amazing practices you can do.
When you think about the things you’re grateful for, even if you’re not feeling good about yourself, your ex or the situation, you can feel immediately uplifted.
Not only that, you will be attracting positivity into your love, life and relationships of all kinds, now and in the future. It’s simply the ‘Law of Attraction’ at play.
‘Positive Aspects’ and ‘Accomplishments’ lists are super for elevating appreciation.
For the ‘Positive Aspects’ list, state at least 10 things you appreciate about yourself. The positive aspects of you. This can be past and present. State why and how it makes you feel.
If you feel up to it, maybe you can state the positive aspects of your ex and the situation. There is always a lesson and learning within our experiences.
The second list is an ‘Accomplishments’ list. State at least 10 accomplishments you are proud of. Again this can be past and present. State why and how it makes you feel.
When writing both lists, feel your appreciation through what you write, believe it and notice your awareness of the gift that is truly you grow.
Be sure to place these lists by your bed or somewhere in your room where you can see it daily to remind yourself and if you can add to it daily, great!
Or if you prefer to do this electronically, you could even save it to your phone and set a reminder in the morning and throughout the day of what you have listed.
T = Time Out
Take time out for you. Factoring in some ‘Me Time’ is a great source of self-care, when you use it to effectively take your focus off your ex and back onto you. ‘Me Time’ is anything that lights you up or fascinates you.
It could be going for a walk, a trip to the movies or a night out with friends. Or having a massage or volunteering. It might be enjoying a long relaxing bath, pampering yourself at home, reading a book or some personal development. Anything you enjoy!
‘Me Time’ is a chance to fully absorb yourself in what you are doing and celebrate you!
Spend quality and regular time following the passions that stir your soul and make your heart sing. Give you the ‘Me Time’ you are truly worthy of.
As a result, not only will this be of great benefit to you, it will enhance the quality of your current life and any relationship that will follow in the future.
E = Eruption Note
What does this mean? Well, it is a form of journaling, where you take something intangible such as your thoughts and make it tangible & visible.
I’ve named it an ‘Eruption’ note, as quite literally, you let all of your thoughts, feelings and emotions erupt like a volcano onto a piece of paper as you describe and highlight the magnitude of the situation.
Explode, vent and get it all out of your system, any past and current hurts and wrong-doings to you.
Then, fold this paper and get rid of it in a dramatic, safe and environmental-friendly way. You can tear it up, toss it in a bin, throw it into a river or ocean, bury it in the ground, burn it – remember my disclaimer however.
An ‘Eruption’ note is a very powerful technique to release and let go any painful traces of the situation by disposing of a physical object that holds your darkest emotions.
Final Note:
Don’t let your ex have power over you! For all you know, they may have happily moved on, whilst you’re holding onto anger, which is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Ouch!
Whether you remain trapped in the emotions or the situation is your choice. You can dive or thrive!
A key thing is to treat yourself right, honour yourself, respect yourself and know that you deserve the best and the best person for you!
Know your value, know your worth. You’re V.I.P.
H.A.T.E. Your Ex With Pride!