I have always had a huge amount of respect for people who have strong boundaries with their time. Yet, when it came to me respecting my own time. it didn’t always happen.
I genuinely want to help with a friend’s project and show up to every event and I often felt guilty saying no. And that I owed everyone a full explanation of exactly why I couldn’t commit.
Until I finally realized that saying NO to others actually allows me to say YES to myself and my family. It allows me to prioritize the things that are most important at the moment and avoid feeling overcommitted and overwhelmed. No explanation needed.
Being ok with saying NO more often creates space to say YES to the things that matter most.
And that’s kinda the whole point right?
Here are 5 ways to start setting better boundaries and say yes to yourself a little more often:
GET COMFORTABLE SAYING NO
This one seems obvious and while it is simple, it’s not always easy.
When you’re already juggling a lot and then keep adding more to your already full plate, eventually it forces you to make some hard decisions about how you’re going to make it all happen.
So keep it simple and get comfortable saying no.
I think it was Jen Hatmaker who I first heard say “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” And while this concept is not going to apply to every opportunity that presents itself, it is a good metric to pause and ask yourself if the things you’re saying yes to are things you want to do or things you think you “should” be doing.
LIMIT YOUR DECISIONS
We make a lot of decisions throughout each day.
Within the first few minutes of waking up, you’ve already decided whether or not to hit snooze, what to wear for the day, eggs or oatmeal, tea or coffee, are you going to meditate or go for a run…all of these little decisions add up and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed.
Decision fatigue is a real thing, and the science behind it is fascinating! And, it’s often the reason behind why we opt for takeout instead of cooking dinner after a long workday or skip the gym in favor of a Netflix binge.
So keep things simple and find some areas where you can limit the number of decisions you have to make so you can stay on track with your goals and focus on the things that matter to you.
IDENTIFY YOUR TOP 3
Instead of giving everything in your day equal priority. Identify the top 3 things that would make you feel good about your day even if you got nothing else done.
Pareto’s principle aka the 80/20 rule says that 20% of tasks yield 80% of results. Identify the things that are important to you and focus all of your energy there.
POWER OF THE PAUSE
The pause is a helpful technique for so many different areas of your life and when it comes to healthy boundaries taking a moment to pause before responding can be a real game changer.
Sometimes my inclination is to immediately say yes to any invitation but then once I’ve had time to think about it I recognize that I don’t actually have space on my plate and then feel stressed out and regret my decision.
So now instead of responding immediately, now I respond with something like “thank you for thinking of me, let me get back to you this evening.” This one simple sentence helps me to be more intentional about the things I agree to and has been a serious lifesaver.
CONSUME MINDFULLY
Setting boundaries isn’t only for other people in your life. Boundaries are important for yourself too. Mindful consumption isn’t only about the foods you eat or products you buy.
It’s about what you’re feeding your brain too!
The books you read, the people you follow on social media, and the other content you consume each day can either inspire you and encourage personal growth or it can create more anxiety and spiral you into comparison and feelings of “not enoughness.”
Setting boundaries around the things you allow into your life and your mind is the ultimate in self-care. And there is actual research to show that people who take time to care for themselves are happier, healthier, and more creative!
So kick the guilt to the curb, communicate your boundaries and start taking back some time for yourself. You need time for you, It’s science!