August 2016, I watched my boyfriend’s stepmother fight to keep her last breath.
We rushed his stepmother to the emergency room early that morning. The night before, she told me she saw death in her room. In her left eye. She made me look.
In the emergency room, I prayed for her as she let go and moved into full spirit. She fought the entire way. She didn’t want to die. I escorted the doctors and nurses out so that the family could have a moment. Tears ran down her face as I prayed for her spirit. I was shaking when she left, but I prayed anyway.
Six months later, I bought a one-way ticket to Tuscany and I haven’t looked back.
I started asking myself tough questions, “Am I ready to die?” “Would I die well?” “What does it mean when someone fights death?”
Trekking from Florence to Rome and all points in between was the exact respite I needed to remember what it means to live a life on purpose.
Life is soft and supple in Tuscany. Full of culture, life, and warm bread. Here’s what I learned about success and life while sipping Prosecco and nibbling on paninis in the beautiful countryside of Tuscany.
Success Lesson #1. Don’t be a loner.
Italians are notoriously social. Refusing a dinner invitation is like slapping your mama. It never happens! My Italian friends are doctors, estate owners, bed and breakfast managers, and they always stop to break bread with each other. As entrepreneurs, it can be tempting to park in front of our laptops 24/7, but don’t. Get out and socialize at least once a week. You may find the answer you’re looking for by meeting someone new. I’ve made friends in places like Arezzo, Sansepolcro, Montespertoli, Pisa and Florence, and Rome all while traveling alone and running my business. If you’re going through a difficult time, let it inspire you to go after your dream (the one you don’t tell anyone about). That dream.
Success Lesson #2. Don’t act like an adult all the time.
I have seen 50-year-old men slap on itsy bitsy ocean-blue Speedos and jump in a swimming pool. I’ve seen women in their 60’s stomp cobblestone in heels and a dress like they’re on a fashion runway. Sometimes we try so hard for success that we suck what’s good right out of life. I’ve learned to let go of adulting. Laugh until after midnight and celebrate the sunrise with chianti. As you build your empire, have fun! Be creative.
Success Lesson #3. Give up the bad attitude. Please and thank you.
What I love about Italians most is their passion. Families can have the loudest argument, and then five minutes later, laugh and drink and hug like nothing ever happened. It would have been so easy for me to hold onto grudges of all the past wrongs I thought I had experienced. I let it all go. Life is too short. I refuse the role of the angry black woman. I choose the role of happy, successful (sexy) entrepreneur instead. One of my Tuscan friends taught me this phrase, “be well.” Let everything be well with you, Theresa, he said. Have some Limoncello and let’s dance. I did! Do you really want to be successful? Stop holding grudges. Let it go and move on!
Success Lesson #4. Stop looking for someone’s approval.
I really wanted to be liked by everybody. Like a lot. I wore the people-pleaser crown like it held my first-born. I had gone so far down the rabbit hole that I started to question my appearance, my skin, my business, my upbringing. In the end, I realized that no one else was responsible for my success and happiness. I was responsible for who I want to be and how I show up in the world. And getting my groove back under the Tuscan sun was the exact prescription I needed! I learned to love the chocolate skin that I’m in. Italians have an intense self-pride that rubbed on me. Their confidence is contagious. They wear what they want. They laugh loud and talk loud. They dance and eat and enjoy life without any regrets. What you think about them doesn’t matter. Living in Italy has given me the freedom to release my need for approval. Someone’s approval of you is worthless to you. The only opinion of you that matters is yours. So, grab your passport (and bikini) and go live your life!
Success Lesson #5. Give up being stuck in your ways.
I don’t know how they do it, but I’ve seen Italian men in their 50s wear a powder blue suit with skinny pants and yellow shoes and make you salivate. Italian women are the queens of pattern mixing. Striped pants with floral shirts. Plaid blouses with reflective jeans. I’ve seen it all. Somehow, they make it look fantastic. I’ve learned to not be so hung up on the need for perfection. Life isn’t perfect. We must learn to roll with the punches and enjoy the process. Half of the wardrobe I brought to Italy with me, I don’t wear. I’ve had to leave behind a lot of American hangups… like a venti Caramel Macchiato for one. Let it go.
As a globetrotting, black American female entrepreneur living solo in Tuscany, I’ve been so far out of my comfort zone that I just giggle sometimes. I reclaimed my life. My sense of self and well-being has increased tremendously thanks to the self-love lessons I’ve learned while skipping cobblestone on Via Santa Maria and dancing in a sunflower field. Being selfish about your well-being is not arrogant. It’s a necessity.
When I look back at the past 5-10 years, I realize the challenges I faced had one thing in common … I was faking happy. I was desperately trying to please others, be accepted, and fit in at the sacrifice of my own psyche. I no longer subscribe to the adage “no pain, no gain.” True love isn’t painful. Success is easy. The true purpose in life is to live well with each other, and make memories.
Today, I embrace fun. I laugh until it hurts. I squeeze every ounce of life out of every moment. My business is better for it. I encourage you to try something new. Go somewhere different. Immerse yourself in a new culture. Stop the routine, please. Book a flight to your dream destination dot com and search for your kind of happiness dot net. You won’t be disappointed. Mix it up a bit (or a lot!). The best thing you can do for your business is to not take life so seriously. How do you know when you’ve achieved success? Goose pimples. My friend in Arezzo taught me this beautiful phrase – “Ho imparato sulla mia” – You’ll know it when you feel it in your skin.
Buona sera e a presto!