Working parents are masters of multitasking and survival mode. But many of our struggles don’t come from external demands, but from our own sabotage.
Let’s talk about five self-sabotaging behaviors we need to recognize and release. A behavioral cleanse if you will…
1. Glorifying Burnout
We wear exhaustion like a badge of honor, comparing sleep deprivation stories at school pickup like war veterans. “You think four hours is bad? I’ve been running on 3 hours and cold brew for a month!”
Sleep deprivation impacts everything from decision-making to emotional regulation, basically all the skills we need most as parents and professionals. Glorifying burnout doesn’t make us stronger, it just sets a dangerous bar no one should have to, or want to, reach.
The Shift: Start treating rest as non-negotiable rather than optional. Schedule it like any other important meeting. Tell yourself: “I’m a better parent and professional when I’m rested” rather than “I’m a dedicated parent because I never rest.”
2. Hiding the Chaos
We’ve all frantically cleaned before a video call, apologized for kid noise in the background, or pretended everything’s fine when actually, we’re hanging on by an itty bitty thread.
This performative perfection costs us authentic connections and potential support. When we hide our struggles, we not only exhaust ourselves but also perpetuate impossible standards for other parents. Rude.
The Shift: Choose vulnerability over performance. Let colleagues see the occasional toy in the background. Admit when you’re having a tough day. Your authenticity not only relieves the pressure on yourself but also gives others permission to be human too.
3. Refusing Help
“I’ve got it,” we insist, even when we clearly don’t. Whether it’s declining your mother-in-law’s offer to take the kids for an afternoon or refusing to delegate at work, the independence hamster wheel keeps us unnecessarily overwhelmed.
What’s behind this refusal? Sometimes it’s control issues. Other times it might be guilt (shouldn’t I be able to handle this?). Or, reciprocity anxiety (what will I owe them?).
The Shift: Start small by accepting one offer of help this week without apology or excessive gratitude. The second part is super important! Remind yourself that interdependence, not independence, is the goal. The strongest parents have robust support systems.
4. Chasing Perfection
We hold ourselves to impossible standards across every area of life. We believe we should maintain pre-kids career momentum, Pinterest-worthy homes, screen-free and engaged parenting, healthy home-cooked meals, consistent exercise, and thriving friendships, all simultaneously. Oh, and don’t forget hydration. We all need to maintain that water intake.
The pursuit of across-the-board excellence inevitably leads to feelings of failure and inadequacy.
The Shift: Embrace the concept of seasons and cycles. Some weeks, work gets more energy. Other times, family takes precedence. Occasionally, you might need to order takeout 4 nights or let the laundry pile grow. Maybe that’s laundry mountain and your kids can jump in it for 30 minutes while you shower? Give yourself permission to dial certain areas up or down as needed without self-judgment.
5. Using Guilt as a Compass
Perhaps most damaging of all, many of us navigate by guilt, mistaking this uncomfortable emotion for useful guidance. We feel guilty at work for thinking about our kids and guilty at home for checking emails.
In the working parent life, guilt is a constant companion, not a reliable compass. Following its directions will only lead you in exhausting circles that don’t burn calories.
The Shift: When guilt rears its ugly head, ask yourself: “Is this guilt connected to my actual values, or to externally imposed expectations?” Learn to distinguish between useful remorse (I snapped at my child because I was stressed) and unproductive guilt (I’m not volunteering for every school function).
Breaking Free
Breaking these patterns isn’t easy. It’s flipping hard. They’re deeply ingrained and often socially reinforced. And who wants to be the one to step out of line? But recognition truly is the first step.
Start by identifying which of these self-sabotaging behaviors resonates most strongly with you, and then choose one small shift to practice this week. Notice how it feels, and then double down the following week.
Remember: working parenthood is challenging enough without our own self-sabotage. By treating ourselves with the same compassion we’d offer a friend, or our children for that matter, we can stop adding unnecessary weight to an already demanding non GPS-friendly journey.
Your career needs you. Your family needs you. But most importantly, you need you… well-rested, supported, present, and free from the burden of impossible standards and constant guilt.