Many of us still operate under the impression that others are responsible for our happiness. Wouldn’t it be great that any time we ask for something we receive it right away without making any effort? Oh boy, that would be fantastic! But let’s behave as adults do and stop believing in fairytales. At least for now.
Unfortunately, our parents or schoolmates are not always responsible for the frustration that a small mark causes, neither the teacher is, our beautiful wife or handsome husband wasn’t born just for making us happy, our manager is not compelled to offer us a promotion just because we have some sparkles in our eyes. When all of these kind of things are not happening as we would expect them to happen, lead to frustration, unhappiness, to the so called “bad days”, to the “wish I was somewhere else” or to the “what the hell is wrong with my life?”.
What about making some introspection and find out what defines you as a person?
In finding which are the things that make you smile and the ones that make you cry, I came up with a few suggestions that might reduce your discomfort.
Learn to say NO.
It might be quite uncomfortable to say “no” in many situations without feeling guilty or worse than that, to be forced to resist to persuasion. I think if people would have the courage to say “no”, it would be easier to know each other’s boundaries. And knowing those boundaries, you will know when to stop before causing discomfort and frustration (on both sides). Also, it is very important to learn to accept a “no”. When you ask your husband to wash the dishes and he says “no, not now, I will wash them later”, aren’t you getting mad? Yeah, I know, it’s hard to accept a “no” as an answer without trying to convince the person next to you to do what you want, when you want.
Reduce stress.
Well, at least you try! It happened to me many times to overthink some situations without being able to find a solution, but to get a headache and insomnia instead. Not quite what I would have expected or wanted.
Try to worry less about tomorrow.
Try to be less anxious about what is going to happen tomorrow in the office, with that deadline that you are pressured about, about not having any plans for next summer holiday, about not having the salary you always dreamt for.
Try to live the moment and be happy with what you have achieved so far.
Stop comparing your life to others.
In my opinion, social media has a big impact on how our relationships are today, because it offers the interface for exposing our lives. And by doing this, we are tempted to watch where our friends are going on their vacation, sometimes to envy them for their fancy places, cool clothes, perfect love story and simply forget to live our own life. Worse than that, when we start pretending our life is less interesting that the others, we pave our road to anguish and depression. So:
Let’s see the good things that our life brings!
Let’s be happy with the small apartment that we have, with our old car, with our city breaks spent in our parents hometown, with our clothes bought several years ago on promotions, with our (sometimes) unfulfilling job.
And most important:
Let’s start a competition with ourselves, trying to improve all the areas that we feel were neglected.
“You don’t need to be better than any one else you just need to be better than you used to be” –Wayne W. Dyer
Be honest with your intentions.
Be honest with you first of all and then having the courage to tell the others your expectations. If you marry prince charming who simply adores children and you know that having a child is not in your plans and you do not “resonate” with all that baby thingy, you better be honest and say your expectations with regards of enlarging your family. Being honest about what you want can help you reduce the time spent in wrong places or situations.
Face your fears and give yourself the chance to fail.
Sometimes it is good to step out from your daily work or routine and do something that is out of your comfort zone. We all have fears, but the feeling that we have after we have faced a certain fear and we see that nothing bad happened, is priceless. We usually try to avoid uncomfortable situations, when we do not feel self confident and that is because we are afraid of failure. I think failure is a matter of perspective, for some it might be the end of the world, for other might be the beginning of their self improvement. You decide!
Keep your life clean.
I kindly advice you to get rid of all unnecessary things that occupy your life and do not let you breath a fresh air.
Just throw away all that antic decorations with Santa you have not used for ages, all those clothes that you think you might wear them at that ex’s classmate wedding who did not bother to invite you at her wedding (I am joking) or all those messy shoes you are convinced you are not going to wear them, but you like them because they are pink.
Get rid of all those toxic relationships that do not bring you any joy.
Say goodbye to that junk food you used to eat every day, to that chaotic sleeping program and try to adopt a cleaner diet and lifestyle. I guarantee you will feel awesome!
There is no recipe for a lively, happily and fulfilling life, that’s for sure. I have learned all these things experimenting, having my eyes, ears, mind and heart open to what is happening around me. They soon became part of my “Bible”.
It is up to you which direction you want to follow.
One last thing…
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Originally published at medium.com