deep connecting for couples

Recently, my husband and I found ourselves feeling disconnected despite spending so much time in the same house over the last year.

With three small kids, and two jobs we love, we were ships in the night. Plus, after a year of the pandemic and the grueling and emotional final weeks of a dying parent, we both felt spent. Exhausted. And also a bit alone.

So, we decided to create a date night experience all about getting our groove back. Both with each other, and with our lives in general. Here are 7 deep questions that will do that for you too!

1. Where do we see ourselves in five years?

If 5 years is too far, then take it down to 1 year. What does our life look like together in 1 year? Where are we? What are we doing? How do we act with each other?

Are we aligned with what this vision is for us?

2. What’s on our couple’s bucket list?

Often, what’s missing from a long-term relationship (especially one during a pandemic) is adventure. And while we may not be able to explore the world just yet, it never hurts to dream. So, what are those non-negotiable things you want to do before you die? Are they the same or different than your partner?

3. What have we learned as a couple since we’ve been together?

This question is all about using the lessons of the past to help frame the hope for the future. So, talk it through. Have you learned patience? Teamwork? Determination? Sometimes even the brutal lessons are really blessings in disguise.

4. What would be your ideal day?

This is both to determine it for ourselves, but also to show our partner what we truly value most. In doing so, we can work together to decide what needs to be added and cut to the daily schedule in order to make more of those priorities happen.

To learn more about your partner, check out these couples how well do you know me questions!

5. What do you love doing most?

Like the question above, this one hones in on our core values and qualities. It proved to be extremely helpful when I realized my husband most loves mentoring others, while my love has to do with the formation of ideas and strategies. Now, we have a better understanding of how the other person ticks.

6. What’s one thing we could do together that’s out of our comfort zone?

You know that place in a relationship that’s all comfort and no adventure? It hits a few years in.

That’s an ok place to be, but there’s not a lot of fun and growth there. So, what can we do that forces us to branch out? Dance together? Try a new restaurant? Become vegans? Sign up for a 10K? The sky’s the limit, and we’ll both be better for it.

7. What does a thriving relationship mean to us?

And finally, it’s time to get on the same page when it comes to the relationship.

For us, we realized that in this moment in time, it’s ok to feel like we don’t have it all together as a couple. We are thriving because we’re supporting each other through hardships. Perhaps in a few years, thriving will mean something more exciting, and that will be wonderful too. Winters don’t last forever.

In Conclusion

These questions helped us get on the right track with each other, and I hope they help you too! What’s your favorite question to connect with your partner? I’d love to know!

“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.”

Hugh Mackay