According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: “40% of our of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change”.
If this is true, there’s hope for us all. There are billions of people on this planet and clearly some, are truly happy. The rest of us bounce back and forth between happiness and well, unhappiness depending on the day.
Throughout the years I’ve learned there are certain traits and habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before diving in, let me preface this and say: we all have bad days, even weeks -myself included- when we fall down in all 7 areas.
The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and how long we stay there.
Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people.
1. Their default belief is that life is hard.
Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.
Perseverance towards problem versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person.
Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the “look what happened to me” attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.
2. They believe most people can’t be trusted.
I won’t argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards others they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.
Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet and assume that all strangers can’t be trusted. Unfortunately, this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.
3. They concentrate on what’s wrong in this world versus what’s right.
There’s plenty wrong with this world, no arguments there, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what’s actually right in this world and instead focus solely on what’s wrong. You’ll spot them a mile away, they’re the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with “yeah but”.
Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what’s right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what’s wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye on what’s right.
4. They compare themselves to others and harbor jealousy.
Unhappy people believe someone else’s good fortune steals from their own. They believe there’s not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.
Happy people know that your good luck and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can’t be duplicated or stolen from- by anyone on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities and don’t get bogged down by thinking one person’s good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.
5. They strive to control life.
There’s a difference between control and striving to achieve goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals but realize in the end, there’s very little control over what life throws their way.
Unhappy people tend to micro manage in an effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic displays when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curveball.
The key here is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best-laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with the flow is what happy people have as plan B.
6. They consider their future with worry and fear.
There’s only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right.
Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they’d like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant worry and fear.
Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person’s mind, they’ll ask themselves if there’s an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there’s responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they realize they’re spinning in fear and they lay it down.
7. They fill conversations with gossip and complaints.
Unhappy people like to live in the past. What’s happened to them and life’s hardships are their conversations of choice. When they run out of things to say, they’ll turn to other people’s lives to gossip.
Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They’re excited about something they’re working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.
Obviously, none of us are perfect. We’re all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly.
“Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It’s in the getting back up again that all the difference resides”-Tamara Star
If you’d like to hear Sirius XM Radio host and comedian John Fugelsang interview the author on this subject, click here.
photo via Unsplash by Volkan Olme