No matter where we are on our personal journey, we all have that little fear-based voice inside our head. You know the one I mean — it’s the voice that’s always whispering negative things in our ears and is determined to keep us stuck in fear instead of soaring in the stratosphere where we truly belong. I like to call that voice my inner critic and although we all have one, not many people are aware of it or understand how to master it. But the truth is, you don’t have to listen to that voice or let it rule your life.

After working with thousands of people across the globe I’ve identified certain negative statements that crop up again and again. Here are the 7 most common fear-based thoughts we tell ourselves on a daily basis, with key action steps to help you overcome them.

1.You’re not smart, sexy or good looking enough. 

How many times have you looked in the mirror and scoffed at yourself? How many times have you doubted yourself, your abilities and your achievements? Undermining yourself in this way is destructive and does nothing but keep you small and stuck. Make peace with where you are at this very moment and give yourself permission to forge onwards and to shine. 

2. You’re not as good as him/her.

Comparing yourself to other people will put you on the express route to unhappy land.  Whether you’re measuring yourself against your friend, your work colleague, some random on social media, our inner critic is wired to pick up the faults in ourselves, while seeing only the crowning achievements of others. Ditch the ‘comparisonitis’ by keeping your eyes on your own game and switch off from social media if that’s a big trigger for you, you can return back to it once you have worked on the triggers.

3. You’re too old to even bother trying XYZ, launching or starting your dream business. 

This is such a common excuse, but you know what? It’s a massive cop-out. There are people all around us doing amazing things regardless of their age — whether it’s launching a business at 50, running a marathon at 60, or taking up painting at 70. Age is an illusion. So gather your own evidence of people doing awesome things, let go of the number, and simply follow your heart’s desires. 

4. You’re such a fraud.

Can I tell you a little secret? Everyone who’s ever taken a risk has felt like they’re a fraud at some point or another; like they’re not fully ‘qualified’ for the role. Whether it’s becoming a mum, publishing your work, or stepping up as the CEO, it can feel scary to try something new and to step outside our comfort zone. But this is yet another example of your inner critic attempting to keep you ‘safe and small’ by stopping you from following your heart. Don’t listen to it! No one knows how long we are here on this earth for. It could be a short period and our dreams are waiting to be realised. Take that leap and watch the Universe catch you. 

5. Who could possibly love you?

Your inner critic doesn’t want you to fall in love with yourself let alone someone else. It wants you to keep playing small and renting the penthouse in Fear Town, but that’s not fun and experiencing love is our birthright so don’t forget it.  

6. You’re a failure.

Every time you ‘fail’ there’s an opportunity to grow. It’s time to start seeing your ‘failures’ as opportunities to pivot, adjust, and expand instead of letting your inner critic beat you up and tear you down. 

7. You say the dumbest things.

Give yourself a break. Everyone says things they think maybe weren’t the most supportive at times, but you need to let that go. Besides, in the big picture of life, everything is always perfect just as it is, and when you choose to see things like that nothing is ever wrong or dumb. It’s just your judgment on it that’s keeping you stuck. Let go of the past and come back to this beautiful present moment right here right now.


  • Melissa Ambrosini

    Bestselling Author, Speaker & Podcast Host

    Melissa Ambrosini is the bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl and Open Wide, the host of the top-rated podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show, a keynote speaker and spiritual teacher. Named a 'self-help guru' by Elle Magazine her mission is to inspire others to unlock their full potential and live the life of their dreams. With a deep commitment to empowering others to become the best version of themselves, Melissa believes that change is possible for everyone. She strives to inspire others to reclaim their power, step into their truth, live with intention, and move in the direction of their dreams.