Divorce is hard. It drains you emotionally and takes a toll on your personality.
It is easy for people to advise that you should “get over it,” “start a new life,” “see other people,” etc. In reality, there is a lot more to be done before you can even start thinking along these lines.
We have put together a few tips that will help you get control of your life after divorce and start a new chapter.
It’s OK to grieve
Divorce feels like it kills the dream of happily ever after. It changes your identity as a husband/wife. It is the end of your marriage. And you are left with many emotions bottled up inside you – anger, resentment, stress, and more.
By allowing yourself to grieve, you are giving an outlet for these feelings that can eat you up from inside. It’s OK to not fake strength, to isolate yourself for a while. You need to get these emotions out of your system.
Prioritize your children’s future
Divorce is tough on all involved, including children. If they are minor, you would likely get joint custody of the child. You’ll need to take them along and make them understand what happened, and how will things be going forward.
One parent usually gets the physical custody, though the other one is free to meet during stipulated times. Do not demonize your ex-spouse in front of your children – he/she is still the parent they love equally.
Organize your life
Life has to go on, so get your professional life back on track. You might have shared duties with your spouse that you’ll have to take care of now onwards.
Managing your finances, balancing checkbooks, paying the bills, cooking for the kids, taking care of the household chores are some responsibilities that will keep you busy and make you independent.
Connect with people
Having people around is important. Humans have evolved as social beings. Get in touch with your relatives and friends and build a social life around them. You do not need to surround yourself with people 24 hours a day and party every weekend. However, having a good social life is helpful, even if it is just in a small circle.
Seek professional help
A therapist can be your best friend during these stressful times. There is no set time frame in which one gets over divorce – the phase can last a few weeks to months and even years.
A professional can help you organize your finances, insurance, childcare, and support, and most importantly, you have personal time and space to share your feelings with a person trained to offer advice.
Give romance another chance
Do not make the mistake of jumping into another relationship too quickly just because you are afraid of living alone. Once your life is back on track and you have complete control of the things around you, open yourself up to dating again. There are plenty of great dating sites for single parents.
Schedule time for yourself
Going through a divorce is tough, so getting regular me-time is an absolute necessity.
Hire a sitter (if necessary) and schedule one free night every week to attend a concert, play, or any other non-work-related event. Also, try to block out an hour a day for self-care activities like meditating, exercising, and praying.
This tip is especially crucial for single parents getting ready to date again – be there for your kids after school and on weekends, but make time for dating too!
Forgive
You will never forget your divorce. However, carrying hatred against your ex-spouse forever will only hurt you, not him/her. Forgiveness is vital in moving on, as it will help you detach from the past and approach your future with a clear mind.
Wrapping it up
Although divorce leaves scars so deep that they might never heal completely, you need to be strong and stay positive to keep life moving. We hope these tips will help you navigate through the recovery period in some way.