I am often surprised by how much we use the words “I am fine”, as if we can magically be ok once we say this sentence. Yet, the truth is, more often than not, we are the opposite of fine.

We are overwhelmed.

We are exhausted.

We feel like a failure when we can’t keep it together.

The heartbreaking truth is that we feel alone, and are afraid to reach out for help. We wonder “what will everyone think of me”. We fear that they will loose faith in our ability to regain our footing.

When life knocks us to the ground it shatters our confidence.

When you’ve been through some difficult challenges in life, you may feel like your confidence has absolutely vanished. Unexpected moments, or trails can leave us feeling unsteady, confused and lost.

We are our own worst enemy, and our negative self talk keeps shouting in our head!

I am here to tell you to stop listening to that voice! The voice that tells you you won’t survive the hardship. The voice that tells you you are not strong enough.

You are strong enough.

We all fail and falter. We all loose our nerve when life beats us down.

I am here to tell you that you are brave enough to keep going, even when your confidence is shot.

I can remember a time when I felt like life was hitting me in every direction, and the overwhelm and stress overpowered me. I barely cared enough to brush my hair. Ponytail and sweats? Yep. That was me. I felt as though my brain was swollen, and that I couldn’t make a rational decision. I was missing deadlines and missing out on my life.

But, here is the truth. No one could have gotten me to bounce back… until I was ready to. I had to WANT to feel good again. I had to WANT to feel confident again.

And you will. You will slowly come back to life, and your confidence will radiate through the struggle.

I want to share some tips on how to regain your confidence, even when you feel dismantled by life:

  • Know who you are. When you reconnect with the person you are deep down, your confidence will begin to rise once again.

    • Practice self-reflection to figure out what kind of person you really are. Survey your inner self to discover your strengths.
    • Do you step in to help others without being asked? Are you the one who reaches out to the new neighbor who seems uncomfortable?
    • Take time to become clear about how you show up in the world.
  • Acknowledge the supportive community you have in your life. Think of your friends. Consider the close relationships you enjoy with your family members. Hold onto those relationships and don’t be afraid to ask for support.

    • When you recognize those close to you, your confidence will be lifted up by their support, and belief in you.
  • Embrace challenges. Tell yourself, “I don’t know for sure if I can succeed but, I do know for sure that I will try my hardest.” Build your confidence by facing these unexpected moments head on.

    • Recognize that every challenge teaches you something valuable that you can apply later in life, whether or not you are able to see it now.
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is the easiest way to bash your confidence. The answer to, “Why can’t I be pretty and smart like Jen?” is “Because you’re not Jen – you’re you!”. My mother always instilled in us to never compare ourselves to other people, you don’t know their journey or what they are going through. Especially in the day of social media, we need to recognize that life is not an Instagram post. Hold true to who YOU are.

    • When you compare yourself to others, especially when you’re searching for your confidence, it can feel like you always come out with the “short end of the stick.”
  • Discover your own strong points and expand upon them. You don’t have to be the same as anyone else to see the positive attributes you possess. Recognize your own strengths.
  • Establish new goals. What is it you hope to accomplish in your life? Whatever it is that you seek, it’s important. Write new goals to help you get excited about your future and focus on moving forward. I have always found that goal setting is the easiest way to get myself centered and focused on moving forward.
  • Work toward your goals to achieve them. As you accomplish things you’ve worked hard for, you’ll feel like you can do anything. Give yourself credit for every small win! You’ll experience deep feelings of satisfaction and confidence as you put your efforts toward things that matter to you.

    • Working towards and achieving a goal is one of the sweeter things in life. Welcome the process!
  • Use positive self-talk. Speak to yourself using phrases such as, “I know I can do it,” “I did a fantastic job,” and “It’s time to go for it!”

    • Talk to yourself as if you’re the smartest, kindest, most talented person you’ve ever met.
    • Be positive, self-supporting, and honest with yourself. You’ll be stunned at the difference it will make in your life when you speak to yourself in a positive manner.

Working to regain your confidence is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. You are worthy of honoring your setbacks, but not letting them dismantle you. You really will start to believe in yourself again. Try these suggestions and you’ll be on the road to regaining your footing. I am here cheering you on!

Originally published at thebestunexpected.com


  • Christina Lerchen

    Christina Lerchen is a self development and lifestyle writer

    Christina Lerchen has been a content creator for over 10 years and has been featured in magazines such as Oprah.com, Self, Allure Korea, Lucky.com, CBS Watch!, and Women's World Daily. Her blog has been syndicated through The Today Show, Chicago Sun-Times, Huffington Post, USA Today, Answers.com, Ehow.com, and Yahoo Shine.