I would like to share one of the golden advice for a successful relationship is: to keep it simple. That’s it. Don’t search for ways to make the relationship happy or make it work. Notice how much effort it’s taking of you to make it happen. Do you struggle to be yourself in it? Are you aware you are following the advice of your inner voice to change, to solve or to be responsible for it? Not sure?

Think of a relationship that exhausts you, ask yourself this:

What am I not willing to accept in this relationship?

Who am I in the relationship?

Is it truthful?

In any relationship, the moment we place pressure to be someone other than who we are, we will lose our selves in the process. We believe it requires a-lot of effort to make a relationship work by being someone another expects us to be. The “right kind of” employer, wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son, friend and list goes on.

Now you may say, of course, that is logical, but is it?

Can you place your hand on the heart and truthfully say you are at peace with yourself? Within you, there are no judgments on other relationships or on people? The habits in our minds make it complex with doubt, expectations and insecure about a future. So to be simple sounds easier than done.

“ It’s simple to be happy. It’s difficult to be simple” –Rabinath Tagore

I struggled with this through mindfulness, yoga classes, all the coaching sessions and all the positive thinking that one was supposed to have. We fill ourselves with techniques and not only overwhelm ourselves but strain the relationships that matter to us. Overwhelm clutters the space of peacefulness. The mind remained hooked on judgments. How many of you have that as well? So many techniques to so many rules, relationships destined for more misery until it came to a point of no return.

The relationship, we place most pressure on is with the ones we love the most. We don’t want to disappoint them, fight or argue. Those relationships can take a moment to break and a lifetime to mend, most often, because of pride or rather the lack of humility. When it comes to those we don’t care for so much, it’s easier. The pressure we place on ourselves is less. While the ones that no longer seem possible to mend will play on the mind for a long time.

To be simple is difficult because it requires us to stop all the fixing and reconstruction. Take the pressure off ourselves expecting to change it and make a relationship work by turning our attention to the self. Look into the dark corners of fear or sadness, in the shadows, let the purity of true pain come forth. It can take a while for the simple solution of forgiveness to show up, because pride will spend hours, building up a wall to not feel that awful pain that drowns in a never-ending high wave of insecurity. But it will show up.

In the “zen “ style approach, practices such as contemplation, right understanding, and inquiry, is a gentler approach where all systems of health will balance itself out. Freedom from the mind. The path to free the mind from the pains of emotions through “right questioning or contemplation” offers a simpler and effective approach to the self. For some, it may take a while to surface from all the pain. When it does, a gentle stillness arrives, even if thoughts go on. Funny enough, the answers on how to respond to your relationships will also spontaneously show up. Pride will have no place or space to convince you, and the relationships you felt like having, will be there.

Discover: #befriendurmind in relationships. Contact me: @kirti168, if you would like to share insights about a particular relationship. Finally, feel this article may benefit someone, pay it forward and share it out !

Originally published at wp.me