Are you waking up from the food coma that was 2020 and have no idea what you want for breakfast, let alone what you want to set as a 2021 resolution?  Does it seem overwhelming? Daunting? Exhausting? Futile?

I get it!

I’m not a fan of resolutions – they usually are highly ambitious and abandoned in a few weeks, often resulting in self shaming. Plus, we’re really in no mental shape to be setting resolutions. We’ve just come off of preparing for Thanksgiving, having Thanksgiving, preparing for holidays, having holidays, dealing with work, kids school, family guilt, the pandemic, and NOW we’re expected to have the clarity and resolve to create these life altering plans. It’s exhausting!

But, if you’re looking to make a serious CHANGE that you want to stick with, here’s a different approach you may find helpful to identify what you want and take action.

Here’s how… 

Usually my mantra is “think of what you want, not what you don’t want,” but when you have no idea what you want, turning the other way can be your answer.

What DON’T you want?

What don’t you want for yourself?

Your business?

Your kids?

Your marriage?

Your family?

Your health?

What are you TIRED of?

For example… I am tired of being a slave to my phone – wasting time, going down too many rabbit holes. I’ve been feeling this way for a while, justifying that “I have things to do on my phone!” Then last night I watched “The Social Dilemma.” Have you seen it? If not, it’s a must see on Netflix – check out how algorithms are manipulating us based on our user habits.  

Based on what I don’t want,

I know that what I do want is

less phone time, and more life time.

How am I going to do this? I put downtime and social media limits on my phone before I went to bed last night. I have to admit, when I woke up this morning I thought of going on my phone “just for a sec” …MANY times. I’m proud to say, instead of being on my phone, I played chess with my son. I’m not so proud to say, he beat me.

What Don’t YOU want?

Are you tired of constantly worrying about your family, job, business? 

Perhaps NOT worrying is just what you need. What would it look like if you weren’t worried? What would you do when you’re not worried? How would you approach work? Your family? Your life?

How about your relationships? Are you tired of not having date night or quality time together? What you DO want is quality time. What do you want to do for the quality time?

Do you want your kids to stop leaving a mess? What you want, could be to put in place rules for everyone to pitch in.

Moving Forward

Once you know what you do want, think of one small step you can take today.

Perhaps it’s having a conversation with your family, engaging a friend or coach to support you, googling how to set up social media limits, or even just admitting to yourself that you want to make a change is a HUGE step. 

One small step each day will be more productive than pressuring yourself. No one wants to live with a bully.


  • Deborah Munies

    Executive Coach for High Achieving Working Moms + Podcast Host "Let's Figure It Out"

     Deborah is an Executive Coach who works with high achieving, working moms, helping them to move forward professionally and create balance personally, so they can feel less overwhelmed and see new possibilities.  She is also an #IamRemarkable Facilitator. She has worked with CEOs, senior leadership teams, managers and entrepreneurs in Banking, Finance, Sales, Education, Marketing, Communications, Human Resources, and Wellness. Prior to starting her consulting practice, for over 20 years Deborah was the Corporate Communications leader at financial services and mergers and acquisitions organizations. She managed communications and marketing initiatives, and advised senior leaders on transition best practices, change management, and culture development; most notably with Lehman Brothers Mortgage pre and post bankruptcy.  Deborah has been featured in The Huffington Post, spotlighted in local news programs, and in 2018 she combined her coaching and broadcast journalism experience and launched the Apple podcast, Let's Figure It Out, where she inspires others with her real conversations with leaders and how to effect real change. She has a special place in her heart for supporting and encouraging young girls' self confidence. She is the founder of Can't Dimmer My Shimmer® - empowerment education for tween girls. Deborah works with individuals and groups, and speaks at organizations to inspire, motivate and encourage positivity, drawing from her own challenges and experiences. She also provides in-house workshops, retreats and webinars.   Deborah serves on the Board of Trustees for the New Providence Memorial Library and is the Coordinator for the New Providence Alliance managing the grant provisions from the Governor's Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse. Further information about Deborah Munies can be found at or on LinkedIn.