Explore your beliefs and values by feeling.
Have you ever noticed how often we equate success with more? Whether that’s more products, more profits, more activities or more accomplishments, we buy into the belief that we have to do more to have more to be more. And that will sum up to success. And then along comes The Great Resignation. Where employees are signaling that the “more” that’s being offered — even more pay, more perks, and more PTO — isn’t summing up to success for them. We visited with leaders who are redefining what success means now. Their answers might surprise you.
As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Allison Hallman.
Allison Hallman is an emotional processing + spiritual embodiment practitioner with more than a decade of studies, travel + practice in culturally transformational healing arts. As a curious and conscious explorer, she helps re-define success and connection within through accessing deeper levels of perception to understanding, trust through learning and listening between the lines, and clarity through awareness to experience more energy, freedom love and joy.
Thank you for making time to visit with us about the topic of our time. Our readers would like to get to know you a bit better. Can you please tell us about one or two life experiences that most shaped who you are today?
I am so happy to be here, thank you for the opportunity!! The experiences that have most shaped me have been closely caring for family members through the end of their lives. I cared for my father when I was 20, and helped with his mother, six years later. Witnessing and being with the human and the soul who is preparing to disembody has been profound and transformational. The experience of time is changed, the experience of presence is so vast, and still, the brevity of this life, and the spaces in between… there are not words for. Those experiences are the greatest successes and gifts in my life, because they have shown me how precious life is. Experiencing those levels of connection, presence, care, and timelessness, especially during what is commonly seen to be unfolding or falling apart or ending… and seeing life in those times as so alive and beautiful are what success is for me.
We all have myths and misconceptions about success. What are some myths or misconceptions that you used to believe?
I used to believe success was based on fitting into and climbing in the systems and structures or positions in place and working to higher levels of service and monetary reward. This was the collegiate model I developed in my mind between ages 18–20. This involved finding an existing position close enough to what I thought I wanted, or would be a logical next step towards the next existing position that would be again, close, with enough perks to justify that it would be what I wanted or was worth pursuing. This began to evolve as I went through various working environments and experiences in my college years and pursued a Masters program in psychotherapy abroad.
How has your definition of success changed?
How can I live what I spoke about before as my greatest successes and gifts? Those levels of connection, presence, care and timelessness….
Since I was a child I observed the adults in my life and how they were speaking to one another, how they felt and how they behaved emotionally. I was raised in a separated family in the 1990’s when divorce rates were on the rise. My parents had friends who divorced and I would spend time with them and the children of those families. Through these experiences, I have developed a sagacious sensitivity to the nature of relationship and this has brought me to the fundamental realization that we are always in relationship, everything is connected, and relationship begins within. I would say what I strive for in my life as a definition of success is inspired by my greatest longing, and that is, the willingness to see and know my self as deeply and truly as possible.
To be successful to this degree involves consciously willing and choosing, as often as I possibly can, to see and perceive differently so that I may see my self (and life) more truly. Love more truly. That I may know this through my entire being and my life is this testament, this instrument. This is my greatest success, that as I can allow this to happen through me, as a natural result, I see the phenomenological world more truly and evenly as well, I can be more clear, true and loving. Through this I experience greater peace and equanimity. I value peace and equanimity.
This perception is available in all situations and presentations, and this intention is so powerful (as all are) that this choice itself (to see my self truly) brings to the forefront of my conscious awareness, exactly what I need to see that is not that. This process is most common and necessary through conscious creation, as awareness is the first step to freedom or what we could say as we work on different levels; a breakthrough in our being to greater peace and understanding.
Psychologist Carl Jung aptly reflected through his own conscious exploration and through working with others, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Most often the dissolution of our unconscious choices, ‘fates,’ pain and suffering involve the confrontation of conditioned identities, attachments, patterns, beliefs, fears and insecurities that have been held as true within, even based on experience, but ultimately are not.
The willingness to know my self deeply and see truly is to let go of what I have believed to be my self, and in this continuous process of surrender, remembering that what is happening through this, regardless of what it looks like or feels like, is the experience of that intention manifesting. This develops greater capacity to be with what arises, to experience and observe the nature of humanity through the many forms that present inside and outside. What is actually happening here through this capacity is a multidimensional gift of awareness that is healing and transformational in itself. The success lies within this capacity, not the outcomes I’ve spoken about. It is this capacity itself that is a panacea. We are all deserving of this level of presence, care, compassion and understanding and in order to experience it truly, we must give it to ourselves, and in giving it to ourselves, we give it to the world.
The pandemic, in many ways, was a time of collective self-reflection. What changes do you believe we need to make as a society to access success post pandemic?
I believe we need to develop a curiosity about our behaviors, attitudes, patterns, thoughts and feelings and a deep consideration of what our values are, and where they are coming from. We have got to go deeper than our external conditioning, culture and even our desired outcomes. I believe this reflection will create value, priority, living longing and willingness to turn towards growing through the experience of the many forms of ourselves, relationships and life more freely in ways that are natural, safe, healthy, meaningful and empowering.
What do you see as the unexpected positives in the pandemic? We would love to hear a few of your stories or examples.
As mentioned before, I too see self-reflection growing. I managed to travel quite extensively for learning purposes during the pandemic, and even through that lull and fear, there were those like my self who took advantage of the time to explore deeper connection with themselves and others in ways beyond cognition. The events I would travel to would be held for days together in deep diving containers, where corona virus tested were administered at the door and out of the door. All the same, the energy and intention was, let’s get into this! The time of the pandemic really amplified that energy. A time with so much fear and concern for life we were exploring how we can deeply and fully live. This longing brought us together from all over the world and we were able to learn and grow together.
We’re all looking for answers about how to be successful now. Could you please share “5 Ways To Redefine Success Now?” (Please share a story or example for each.)
1.Be open and willing to see things differently. For example, what would happen if I let go of the attitudes or beliefs I hold about the political system? What new systems ways of being could be created that are more supportive naturally, locally and collectively?
2.Practice forgiving yourself and others. The majority of the beliefs in place in our lives come from misidentification and malfunction of thought. We think we are protected this way, but really we are limiting ourselves from experiencing ourselves and love more fully and freely. Who would you be without the guilt, judgment, blame or resentment? I experienced a softness in my relationship with my step father once I let go of the idea that his perceptions, beliefs or wants for me had anything to do with me or have an affect on the outcomes in my life. For many years I let them. And because I believed that, they did. And I was resentful. Letting go of that belief and turning those ideas in different ways untangled that mess in my mind and let me be more free to be my self and love him regardless of what he thinks. It was never about him, it was about my perception.
3.Be as lovingly curious as you can. As long as we have been conditioned socially not to feel or to dismiss or undermine our feelings and innate knowings, be as lovingly curious as you can with yourself to develop the capacity to be with what arises. We fear anger and sadness but these are very important informants for us. To suppress or deny our feelings is to deny a part of ourselves that is here to teach us and show us a deeper understanding of who we are. At the bottom of the expression of these feelings in ways that are authentic, safe and healthy, we regulate in moments through the movement and feel better and more free. It’s the not feeling that develops unhealthy attachments, further fear and separation and years of pain and suffering. Be willing to learn how to let yourself feel your spectrum, it’s your greatest strength to be with yourself, not to deny or abandon yourself.
4.Explore your beliefs and values by feeling. Similar to above, this is about letting ourselves go through feelings to a deeper experience of ourselves other than the surface of the stimulus, event, or emotion. Once we access this deeper place of knowing, we get to our essence. Essence is the most simple, basic and invariable aspect of our being. The more often we come into contact with this, the less we are moved by the reflection of forms in our experience. This is developing the art of direct perception, inner authority and becoming a mature, loving soul-natured being without a need to grasp so much in the mirage of illusions dancing about us on the surface. We can be with much more and know it’s not much of anything as we practice! We can know more of what’s real with less to defend or protect. This is a great point of success.
5.What might taking radical responsibility for yourself look like? Where we place blame outside of ourselves, we deny our selves our own freedom. There can be terrible things that happen to us that take us through a process of fear, denial, anger, resentment, blame, for grief or shame. And, unless we go into those experiences, as seemingly harmful or painful as they may be or have been, we are more empowered to know our innocence, our beauty, our worthiness and our greatness. We deserve the time, attention, honor, care and respect, skills and understanding, to be here for ourselves in these ways. If we do not, we are ultimately denying and abandoning ourselves and who we are here to be. There’s beauty, power and success in this. We are worth it! Life and this planet are so beautiful in their color, flavor, shape and sensation. It’s safe, okay, and necessary to get to be with it. Go into yourself, go into this big life that’s happening through you! You deserve to know the joy that is in all it it, at the bottom of every last ounce.
How would our lives improve if we changed our definition of success?
We would be a lot less attached to or controlled by our internal state which is the projection of our experience of reality. There’s ease in letting go of attachments and identities. There’s beauty in letting our hearts break, open. To being able to feel and be with ourselves more widely, wildly and freely. There’s openness and consonant freedom that naturally benefits all in the process and you feel good, trusting and alive. It’s like enjoying a lovingly made multi-course meal. Different tastes and textures in bites we can digest that nourish us. Yummy, sustaining and satisfying. Brought to you by the universe 🙂
There would be less mind of scarcity or greed or insecurity which would lead to more honest fulfilling connections, greater health, joy and value in simplicity and equanimity. The greater awareness of inherent unity and creatorship bring more energy towards creative, harmonious development and solutions. As well as, less pollution figuratively and literally.
What’s the biggest obstacle that stands in the way of our redefined success? And what advice would you offer about overcoming those obstacles?
The biggest obstacle that stands in the way of our redefined success is attachment to and identification with what we think we know. Breakthroughs in physics now show us what ancient mystics have known for thousands of years, as the world is merely appearance, nothing is as it seems. Be as curious and open as you can and be willing to release even the idea of judgment. Overcoming these obstacles is a process of self reflection, looking at our lives and relationships, choices and beliefs and being willing to let them go or be turned on their heads. Awareness of self through feelings as information tell us where we are attached to a thought or identity that isn’t true! The advice is to explore becoming more willing to let go in as many ways as possible; of judgment, guilt and shame on ourselves and others.
Where do you go to look for inspiration and information about how to redefine success?
Within my self I ask questions and let answers come to me that I couldn’t have thought of on my own. “Let me see what more love looks like living through me.” I ask big questions and create space for answers in my mind, heart and body through movement and intention for my mind to be changed. I enjoy eastern philosophy, Dzogchen and Stoicism. I’ve practiced subconscious reprogramming through hypnotherapy to support me during times of struggle. Living through the text “A Course in Miracles” has been enlightening and transformational in my life, healing journey and self reflection. Byron Katie’s self inquiry processes, books by Gay Hendrix and Lew Epstein, spiritual embodiment practices and emotional processing work allow me to experience my self as an undying part of the ever all that is, and to be an available, loving advocate and friend for my self in many forms.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He, she or they might just see this if we tag them.
I would love to sit down and share a delicious meal and dialogue with Matt Kahn. We would laugh about how silly we are sometimes, and reflect on how beautiful love and life is and probably just end up sitting in joyful silence with smiling and laughter emanating our beings. I feel like I’ve already had the experience just now. Matt, Thank you!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Email me! I’ll put you into my email subscription where I will be sharing experiences, stories and practices as well as opportunities to work with me through spiritual embodiment and emotional processing! It is sure to be empowering, fun, freeing and delicious! [email protected]
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this. We wish you continued success and good health.
Thank you for the consideration and support! All of the best..