Like so many of us, I lived the life I was supposed to. Get good grades, keep out of trouble, find a good job, stay in shape, get married, have a family…and work hard at all of it! Achieve, accept, accommodate, compromise. Follow the safe, predictable, proven successful paths — and be happy!
Constant achievement is addictive. When you get paid a bigger salary with every job, take fancier vacations for every anniversary, do deeper downward dogs at every yoga class, Instagram more cute-kid pics every weekend, and all-around outdo everyone around you, you feel safe. You get praise, which means you have value. Right?
I was a VP by age 30 and making three times as much as most of my peers. By the time I was 35, I had also become a triathlete, started a social give-back project, gotten married, had three children, bought a house….then a bigger house…and begun public speaking on “how to have it all.” I did, after all, have it all. My life was exciting, fun, rewarding!! I had prioritization and planning figured out, and the system I developed to manage it all worked…until it didn’t.
After 13 years of getting promoted every year, climbing, climbing, climbing, the lifestyle that came with the senior executive/working mom title stopped being as satisfying. Hitting quarterly goals, launching new products and winning an argument in a politically charged corporate environment just didn’t seem worth it anymore.
It stopped feeling like “I had it all” and instead started feeling like I was trapped — “let me out!”
So then, for two years, I changed jobs, thinking that would fix this stifling feeling. What I found was not what I wanted, but exactly what I didn’t want. And then, each time I felt compelled to change my life and pursue something different, my mind would respond with why I couldn’t: “You can’t quit your job, you have a family to support. It would be such a waste to get off the corporate executive path. What will you put on LinkedIn? What will people think of you and what you’re capable of?”
I became the victim of my own limiting beliefs. Those two years I spent uncomfortable in my own life were life’s first gift for my new journey…which starts now.
Nine weeks ago I quit my “big” corporate job.
And it has been a glorious 9 weeks full of working and soul-satisfying exploration of what I will create next. While I am not sure where this road will lead, I know it will be good because I will follow what feels right.
Family time, absolutely! Business growth and interesting clients, definitely! Toned legs and sun-kissed skin, bring it on! Money pouring from the sky, you better believe it! Oh, and orgasms, ohhh yes yes yes! Lots of those.
May my being open and vulnerable about my journey help you see the possibility in your own life. I invite you to join me. Your friends to join me. Skeptics and enemies. All are welcome. I will be sharing what I learn, the tools I find helpful, my breakthroughs, setbacks, and holy-shit-I’m-really-doing-this decisions.
Fuck good enough. Life is a gift. Every day we are given a chance to live our unique human experience. Wake up and trust in the possibility of your own life. The path that your unique human experience craves is available to you. Go find it.
#actuallyican
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Originally published at medium.com