By: Hira Ali

Publicly trashing ideas with the intention to belittle others, scoffing and dismissing any suggestions or proposals made in meetings, openly making snide remarks and frequently denouncing fellow team members at work; these are some of the common characteristics that categorise bullies at work.

American bullying experts Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie ​define bullying as a “Repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or more workers that takes the form of verbal abuse; conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the three.”

The bully aims to assault the dignity, trustworthiness, competence, and self-worth of the target to derive personal gains or sadistic satisfaction, often leaving the target feeling responsible, guilty, isolated and confused.

[Related: ​5 Personality Types You Don’t Want on Your Team]

So what can we do to stop these baddies in their tracks?

The very first step towards countering bullying is to realize that it’s happening. Once you say what it is, you are opening yourself to different possibilities of countering them. The second important step is to realize that you are not alone. Workplace Bullying Institute and other research has revealed alarming statistics about this silent epidemic across the globe. Nearly half of the workforce has been affected by bullying, whether as a target or as a witness.

If you are being bullied, it’s not your fault, and it has nothing to do with your actions or who you are as a person. Take control of your emotions and detach yourself from the bully’s verbal abuse. You did not incur this on yourself, nor do you deserve it. Start out by building a shield against bullies. This can be achieved by being in charge of your feelings and watching out for any toxic thinking patterns. For more information on these patterns, read 8 Toxic thoughts and how to beat them

It’s now time to resolve the situation in the most effective way possible. Ignoring or avoiding the bully may seem the safest way, but it’s actually more harmful; the victim suffers in silence and the problem doesn’t get resolved. Trying to appease the bully or complying with him is no solution either. Bullying is a power struggle. Once you give into one demand, they will push for more. Showing aggression is once again not helpful as it can land you into more trouble than the bully himself — or worse, show to the latter that they have power over you. Before moving forward, identify stress-related health complications that may have arisen owing to this and take steps to reverse them by consulting health physicians. Next, conduct a thorough research on the company’s policies, laws in your area and your rights as an employee. Prepare a file that documents all bullying incidents you have been exposed to, substantiated with facts, and keep it handy for future reference.

Before resorting to other measures, confront the bully. If they are invading your comfort zone in terms of physical space, place a physical boundary (like a desk) between you and them, or ask them to step back. If emotional space is being threatened, such as asking personal questions or offering unwarranted advice, tell them to stop, politely yet firmly. Bullies sense fear and prey on weakness. Show them up front that you are strong and they will usually back down and find an easier target. Your body language is crucial. To show assertiveness, stand up straight, don’t fidget, use a calm and collected tone and maintain eye contact. Ensure that you’re not physically cornered.

[Related: ​Be a Walking, Talking Alpha]

Focus on the people who trust you and talk about you positively. Keep those things in mind when you’re dealing with a bully and not any unfounded accusations and mud-slinging. These people may also turn into a reliable set of supporters who can back your confrontation against the bullies when the need be.

If the bully did not respond to your call for setting boundaries, then prepare for the next action: stand and fight. Your first step should be to file an internal complaint and compel employer responsibility for putting you in harm’s way. Be prepared with your file of documented facts to defend your case. Gary and Ruth recommend another approach, which suggests building a business case showing the financial impact of the bullying and presenting it to the executive team. ‘Speak their language,’ and you might be surprised at the results that you get. This approach is fact-based and stands a lesser chance of being discounted or discredited. If your Manager sides with the bully owing to personal friendship or rationalizes the mistreatment, you may have to consider involving HR or other higher ups. And, if your Management or HR department doesn’t help either, you can pursue other legal actions, such as criminal or civil lawsuits. However, these are expensive and lengthy, so think carefully before treading in that direction.

If you are successful, then don’t just leave it there. Endeavour to bring reforms in the work culture. Most people choose to stay silent when witnessing someone else is being bullied. Don’t be one of them. Moreover, support creation, implementation and enforcement of anti-bullying policies. Elicit top Management support, educate teams in what specifically constitutes bullying and how stop it before it starts. Encourage consistency in applying these rules — bullies will often back down if they know that someone is watching them.

Hira Ali is the C.E.O of ed Management Consulting and Founder of Advancing Your Potential & Revitalize and Rise. She is a Leadership Trainer, Motivational Speaker, Writer, and Professional Coach & NLP Practitioner. You can contact her at [email protected].


Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com on March 17, 2017.

Originally published at medium.com

Author(s)

  • Hira Ali

    Author | Writer | Speaker | Executive Coach | Women & Ethnic Leadership Development | Gender Gap | Glass Ceiling | NLP

    Advancing Your Potential

    Hira Ali, Chief Executive Officer of Advancing Your Potential, Managing Director of International Women Empowerment Events  Co-Founder of Career Excel  Co-Founder of The Grey Area is a multi-faceted career coach and trainer who has impacted hundreds of people from various industries and professions across the world. She is an Associate Certified Coach accredited by International Coach Federation and a professional member of the Association for Neuro Linguistic Programming. Her widely acclaimed leadership and coaching articles have been published across a variety of leading outlets: The International Coach Federation, The Huff Post, Thrive Global, Women @ Forbes, Ellevate Network, Entrepreneur, Women Entrepreneur, Gulf News, The Female Lead and many more. Hira’s work has been featured in several interviews the recent one being by former BBC journalist Dan Parry -some of her blogs have been shared by Arianna Huffington herself. Her career development podcast, 8 Minutes of Learning With Hira Ali, has been featured in HuffPost as one of the top 100 rising podcasts with guests. Hira is a registered coach and mentor at various international organisations including: American Corporate Partners, the National Health Services, Mentor2mentees, and The Cherie Blair Foundation. She is the recipient of the Top 100 Women – Lift Effects Star Award and was one of the top three finalists for the Baton Awards, Entrepreneur of the Year. She has recently won Highly Commended women in media award sponsored by Microsoft at the prestigious win trade awards. In her recently published book Her Way to the Top: The Glass Ceiling is Thicker Than It Looks, she highlights the internal and external road blocks impeding a woman’s climb to the top irrespective of her culture and geography. The book has earned outstanding reviews from global influencers like Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, Cherie Blair, Valerie Young, Dr. Lois P Frankle, Chiara Condi, Dr. Yvonne Thompson, Carole Stone, Dr. Shola, Ziauddin Yousafzai (Malala’s dad) and many more and received a letter of appreciation from the London Mayor himself. Her Way To The Top has made it to the local newspapers such as Ham and High and international ones such as Europe Breaking News. Hira has been featured as a role model in the book Girls Who Do you Want To Be alongside global influencers like Arianna Huffington, Reshma Sujani, Claire Shipman, Sallie Krawcheck and many more. She is very passionate about empowering women and ethnic minorities and is a strong advocate of diversity and inclusion at work place. https://advancingyourpotential.com/reviews/   You can follow her on Follow her on Twitter, LinkedIn, Insta or Facebook