The last couple of weeks were very hectic with too much of office work on multiple propositions and presentations. Our office was on the 16th floor in one of the highest skyscraper buildings in the city. The night view of the city from here looked amazing. Sometimes when I was tired, I gazed at the busy traffic outside. And thought about the dreams people weave, when they walk into this city. It is a city for every self-driven person who dreams to make life LARGE!!!
Ravindran, my Boss, was the man of fire. Very committed, very disciplined and very hard to convince with any imperfect work. He had a simple principle in life – “Do the BEST of whatever you do”. He was like a live motivational 400-watt power. Anil and I were among his favorites. Not because we worked more, but because we stood shoulder to shoulder with him and had won some of the great deals in the past.
My team was a self-motivated unit. We usually came to office by 9am. We sat at 14 cubicles close to each other. Work seemed to pace extremely swift. We seemed like honey bees at work. Amidst all the engaging discussions and debates, we hardly noticed how time flew. It felt as if, within a couple of hours the clock was swinging from 9am to 11pm every single day. Work kept us busy round the clock.
Everyone was in hustle bustle, working their tasks out. I hadn’t had proper food for the last 4 days. Ravindran was even more dedicatedly associated to this particular project, as his promotion was sitting on this win. We were just 3 days away for this big deal presentation. That day, Ravindran noticed a fundamental flaw in the underlying figures. I got these details from my team and built further on it. Somehow, I also missed checking for the correctness of the details, before me building on it. Suddenly, our business proposition appeared less relevant & competent. Our end goal seemed shattered.
Ravindran’s face turned red hot and was fuming steam from inside. He couldn’t control his anger and banged the desk hard-BHOOM!!!. I sensed his blood gushing through his nerves. He blasted me, mercilessly. He even failed to notice my team and other teams, sitting around, when he raged at me. I wanted to explain, but didn’t get a chance. I felt as if I was stripped in public. In no time, even I lost my cool and a cold current ran through my spine. My face turned tomato red. My shoulders rose with anger and I retaliated. I threw the papers into the air, and left the place, without even thinking of tomorrow. I came home that day desolated. His ireful face and my hurt ego were the only images that traversed my mind, for the whole night. I was nervous & disturbed.
Next morning, I came to the office around 11am. I had a dull fallen face, had worn a black T-shirt. My hairs weren’t combed, I hadn’t shaved. I looked raw, straight from the bed. Ravindran was anxiously looking for me. He called me into his cabin. Even before he said anything, I placed my resignation letter on his table. There was a grave silence in the room. We looked off each other. No words were spoken for the next 10 mins. Then, he attempted to convince me, but nothing helped. I left from there, without uttering a single word and without even telling a goodbye to my team-mates.
Later that afternoon, Ravindran left me a voice message – “Well, I don’t know what to say at this juncture of time. I am sorry for what happened yesterday. Since you have resigned, I can’t hold you back. But in-case, you need me anytime, I am always there for you. It was nice working with you for last 4 years, through the thick and thin of times. Thank you & good luck.” I was emotionally torn apart. I realized the bigger mistake I had done in that spur of time.
I came back home late evening that day, around 8pm. I didn’t feel like having dinner. I was completely tired and drained out of energy & emotions. It was as if I was advertised for a washing machine, completely Washed and Drained and Dried. With a mug of coffee in hand, I sat in the living room, to watch a movie. Hoping, it would relax me and give me some room to recover from emotional turmoil.
Skipping all others, I straight away went into entertainment channels. I watched each one for 5-10 minutes, got bored and then moved on to the next one. This continued for almost couple of hours. And without my notice, I was at the end of channels. It was already 11.30pm. I slept off, without watching even a single movie and feeling even more tired. It’s like a hallway in the hotel, which has multiple doors. But the worst thing is, not able to choose any one door. And ultimately spend the whole night in the hallway.
Next day, I was thinking of the previous events. Instead of changing so many channels, I could have stayed with one damn movie, watched it till the end and slept relaxed. I didn’t feel content at anything. In the end, I was even more frustrated. I had quit a boss who guided and raised me for years. I was so damn mentally shut, that I could not hold my nerves and gave up to the situation. What an ungratified act!!!
In today’s fast world, have we become too fragile and impatient? We can’t forgo each other’s anxious moments and stay with something, with someone for long. Our passions and interests change faster than the weather. We are more restless than ever before. In the run for quick success, we have become too transactional. Big picture & bigger motto of life, seems invaded. The commitment to stand beside someone through their fall and raise is fading off.
It’s now the time, to think beyond the day-in and day-out trade. Commit over the horizons to chase a dream far enough, to sustain a passion long enough and to hold a relationship deep enough.
I leave you with one thought to ponder over. Are you committed to commit, to stay connected with something, with someone, for long enough?