Around four years ago, I attracted great love into my life – I met my husband. Since that day, we’ve had quite a few adventures together. These include blending two families along both coasts, moving to three different cities, changing careers, and more. Yet whenever we are out at a dinner party or meeting new people the one question I get over and over again is: “How did you two meet?”
The truth is that we met in a bar, randomly. That seems like a novel concept today. We both happened to be at the right place at the right time. But was it actually random? I like to think that the work I was doing on myself, reworking my beliefs, building faith, healing my heart, cleared a path to that moment.
Here, I want to share the practices and resources that helped me open up to and find love. I hope they will help you, also, if you too are hoping to meet someone.
1. Is Your Heart Really Open to Attracting Love?
So many times, over the years when I was single, my mom would say to me, “Remember to be open!” I would listen to her, roll my eyes, and keep moving forward, thinking to myself, Of course I’m open! I’m going out on dates.
But, actually, I wasn’t. In many ways, my heart was closed.
So, the question is, are you really open? Do you believe that your heart is open and ready to feel love right now? How can you even tell?
Having an open heart requires being vulnerable, which takes a lot of courage, especially after your heart has had its share of sadness and disappointment. If you’ve been hurt before, the last thing you want to do is to open your heart up to possibly being hurt again. It’s a natural response to want to keep it closed and protected.
Ask yourself:
- Am I really open to love right now?
- Do I feel open to loving someone and allowing someone to love me back?
- Am I open to taking that risk right now?
If your answer is no, that’s a good first step. You are aware of your heart’s status and can stop forcing yourself to “put yourself out there” trying to meet Mr. Right. It might still be fun to date for the experiences that will help you learn and grow. Just be realistic with yourself, and know that you may not find a real connection yet.
If you realize your heart’s not ready, you can focus on healing, so that it can be open again.
So, what worked for me? How did I open my heart?
What Actually Worked for Me
In the months leading up to meeting my husband, I was committed to a disciplined spiritual practice. Always having enjoyed studying and learning from different teachers, I tailored this program together for myself:
I committed to a Kundalini yoga program. Kundalini yoga is a game-changer. I used the 3HO Foundation as a resource, but there are many other teachers and resources available online, as well.
I studied the Course in Miracles. I highly recommend you consider giving it a try.
I recognized that there was a lot of pain still in my heart from older hurts, such as a painful divorce and abandonment/ father issues, so I asked for help. I turned to my higher power and literally requested, “Please allow my heart to heal and to be open.”
During that time period, I was busily focused on doing a lot of charity work. Helping children in need caused me to step outside of myself and focus positive energy outward. This played a major role in opening my heart.
I had been dedicated to these practices for several months before I met my husband. I believe my commitment and practice played a big role in opening my heart to meeting someone and actually being available to love.
2. Do You Really Believe You Deserve the Love You Say You Want to Attract?
Our beliefs lay the foundation for what we are willing to attract into our lives. Saying to yourself “I want this” is one thing, but knowing on the deepest level that you deserve it is something completely different.
Believing – for me – is knowing. It sits on a deeper level than random thoughts throughout the day or my feelings that may come and go. Beliefs need to be looked at carefully and evaluated. A lurking belief deep down that you are somehow never going to meet someone can be a saboteur in your quest for finding romantic love.
In evaluating your beliefs, writing down some beliefs that may block you from love is a good first step.
Some beliefs may include:
- I will never meet anyone.
- Relationships are hard and painful and always end terribly.
- There must be something seriously wrong with me because I am still single.
Writing these beliefs down, and acknowledging them, takes you one step closer to moving beyond them.
Now, what do we do with all of these old beliefs? First, we can recognize that they aren’t true.
What Can You Do to Rework Those Old Beliefs?
There are probably a lot of methods, including traditional therapy. But one thing that may be really helpful for you is trying to do “The Work,” as defined by Byron Katie. In Katie’s method, The Work is a process of unraveling belief systems that aren’t true.
Katie takes you through the steps of peeling back all the layers of your belief, turning it completely upside down. At the end of the process, you can see that what you originally believed is not true.
The only true thing is that you are a lovable person who is 100% worthy of all the love that you desire in your life.
After completing The Work, see if you can create a new list of true beliefs for yourself. Raise the bar even higher when you take the time to really recognize your worth.
Notice all of the things that you have to offer someone. Know that you are worthy of great love, and even more: that feeling of love is why you are here on this planet. Write a list of all the wonderful things about yourself, including your willingness to do this hard work. You are worthy and deserve to be loved.
3. Can You Really Trust, Let Go, and Allow the Universe to Take Over?
This is the hardest part – but it is crucial. If you believe in a higher power, maybe part of you believes that your higher power already knows what you’re looking for. Still, it can’t hurt to make it crystal clear. How do you do that?
I’m a big believer in the law of attraction and vision boards. For my effort to open my heart, I made a vision book. Around six months before I met my husband, I created a book full of images of couples that I admired. In the book, I jotted down descriptions of how I wanted to feel and quotes that resonated with my theme. I looked at my book from time to time, always feeling inspired by the images, words, and feelings they evoked.
I knew this was what I wanted. At the same time, I knew that I couldn’t possibly force this into my life. I realized that I needed to let it all go. I had to trust in a higher power that knows my heart and desires, and that will bring into my life what is meant for me.
Learning to Let Go
I committed to giving it all up and allowing a higher power, and the universe, to decide.
I remember even saying to a friend on the very night I met my husband, “I’m letting it all go. Whatever is meant for me, I will be open.” It didn’t hurt that, at that time, I was feeling deeply happy and fulfilled. The work that I was doing – on myself, in my spiritual practice, and for charity – was already bringing so much joy into my life. This happiness made it much easier to let go and allow everything to happen naturally.
Around an hour of having this conversation with my friend, I met my husband. He was in town visiting from Seattle. We met, exchanged numbers, and that was it. I was ready.
You can experience a “suddenly” – a moment in time that changes the entire course of your life. That’s how fast it can work.
Stick with it, following these steps: Open your heart, rework your beliefs, visualize your dreams, let go of the outcome, and be prepared to be amazed!
This process, for me, took around eight months of devoted attention and practice. This came after 15 years of living and learning (aka dating) from the time my previous marriage ended. Don’t give up. There is always time to start new and begin again.