“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves to be seen.”
– Brené Brown
Are you one of those people who hold themselves back in life? If so, you aren’t alone. In fact, most us are doing just that. We spend living our life thinking that this isn’t it. Like there is something much better coming someday. We believe that one day everything will magically turn for the better and then, only then, we’ll finally start living fully.
We’re holding ourselves back
By resisting what is, we make sure that we subconsciously sabotage ourselves. Secretly waiting for something better to come along make us live an average life rather. We sink deeper into wishful thinking, complaining, and blaming others.
When we wait for things to turn out better by themselves – living like the life happens TO us instead of FOR us – we inevitably ignore opportunities at present. We also become blind to our intuition and gut feelings when something is off.
Thinking that someday or someone will solve our problems make us not to show up for our life. Since this thinking offers us an ever-present backdoor to the land of “one day.” Therefore we don’t have to engage ourselves fully in the present moment. We wait for a salary increase, for an ideal partner, for a better economic situation, bigger house, for children to grow up, for taking a long holiday one day.
Therefore, we create many excuses why we don’t have to show up fully for ourselves now. There is always some reason which holds us back. But what if is it you who is holding yourself back?
But what if is it you who is holding yourself back?
The vicious circle of giving up
When we want something really bad but we believe that we cannot have it, some of us tend to withdraw from the situation (or person). We think that what we want cannot happen because of XYZ, and therefore, we don’t show up fully.
We don’t immerse ourselves completely. Instead, our mind is always working against us, offering us the reasons why we cannot achieve. This creates a conflict between the heart and mind and many of us choose to listen to the mind.
The mind tells us that we cannot have what we want because we don’t have enough money, we aren’t as good as Tim, or that our partner doesn’t love us. Little by little, all these thoughts undermine our confidence, and we sabotage our dreams in one way or another.
When you think that you cannot achieve something, then you tend to withdraw from the situation, and as a result, you’ll not achieve it or at least not the full extent of what you’ve desired.
Giving up is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you don’t show up fully for your life, you can be almost sure that the result that you want won’t come. Or at least not to such a degree that you’d like to.
How does it look like when you aren’t showing up fully for your life?
- You withdraw from relationships. Being fully present in the relationship means that you clearly communicate what you want and you also listen what your partner wants. Honesty and transparency are the backbones for you two. You know that you’re responsible for yourself so you don’t wait for your partner to save you. However, when you aren’t showing up fully, you withdraw when there is some misunderstanding or when your partner doesn’t read your mind, you get distant and sad. You’re afraid to be vulnerable and allow your partner to get to know you truly. Instead, you hold many of your feelings for yourself because you’re scared to get hurt.
- You let others discourage you from your dreams. When you show up fully for your dreams, you allow yourself to do your best to make them happen. You recognize the fact that everyone has a different life calling and therefore you don’t wait to get a permission from anyone to follow yours. On the other hand, if aren’t showing up fully then you allow others to talk you away from your dreams. You let their own fears to infiltrate your mind, and you begin to think that it’s impossible for you to create what you want. Whenever we do anything from the state of fear or worry, we unconsciously predetermine the result of a (partial) failure. Then it looks like that those around you were right, but it was your acceptance of their fearful thoughts to energetically influence the result in a different direction than you’ve wanted.
- You ignore your finances. Money is just another form of energy. When we ignore our finances by not knowing how much money we exactly have or not paying invoices and bills in time, we cannot expect them flowing freely to us. I like to think about the money as of a romantic partner. Do you think that your partner would like to be in your presence if you would treat him the same way you manage your money?
- You don’t stand up for yourself. Do you speak your truth, especially when it needs to be said out loud? When someone doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, you should always address that person. Even if it’s uncomfortable. You set your bar and standards. Others will not respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Are you always there for yourself?
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“The point of power is always in the present moment.” – Louise L. Hay
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Originally published at sylviasalow.com