It’s holiday gift time — have you made your list yet? Are you checking your tracking numbers twice? In the spirit of the season, here’s my annual list of gifts I wish to give to some of the newsmakers of 2019, both naughty and nice, to help them thrive in 2020. Feel free to borrow any ideas for those on your list.
Elon Musk: The Light Phone 2, which, if he would use all of its features, would be invaluable for both him and Tesla. Those features include the ability to make calls, not use Twitter, set alarms, not use Twitter, send texts and not use Twitter.
Donald Trump: A moon phase watch, along with careful instructions: when the moon face is visible, it’s time to stop presidenting and start sleeping.
Away employees: Gmail accounts. Not everything needs to be on Slack. Clearly.
Peloton ad husband: A gift guide reminder that sometimes gifts that don’t require so much work are also great — like a pair of cashmere socks, a weighted blanket or a bath bomb.
Peloton ad wife: A gratitude journal — you’ve got kids, a nice house, a loving if somewhat tone-deaf husband. Instead of getting up at the crack of dawn for cycling boot camp, just get up after you’ve had enough sleep and jot a few things down in your gratitude journal. You’ll look a lot less anxious in your selfies.
Joe Biden: An exercise mat, for the next time he’s challenged about his son Hunter and he responds with a push-up challenge. Town hall floors can be dirty.
Rudy Giuliani: A travel neck pillow and compression socks. When you’re traveling the world to confirm a conspiracy theory — especially the kind of travel needed for one that doesn’t exist — you have to take care of yourself.
Baby Yoda: In keeping with the World Health Organization’s recent recommendations for reduced screen time for children (even 50-year-old children), some old school retro toys: Lincoln Logs, an Erector Set and a Slinky. Fun are they.
“The Good Place”: Another season. What better venue to talk about life’s biggest questions than a sitcom. Sounds crazy, but it actually works. Life lessons and laughs go well together. I’ll miss it.
Kevin Love, DeMar DeRozan and Michael Phelps: An even bigger microphone than they already have as professional athletes, so they can continue to speak out about mental health, bravely breaking the stigma so that others will be more willing to speak up and seek help.
Meghan Markle: Media-noise-canceling headphones.
Taylor Swift and Scooter Braun: A long cooling off period. Or maybe era.
Wilbur Ross: A bedtime alarm clock, so he can get the sleep he needs at home, instead of the U.N.
Adam Driver: Some time off. After starring in apparently every movie of 2019, you deserve it.
The EU and the U.K.: A copy of Marriage Story, so they can get some tips on how to finally consciously uncouple.
All the 2020 presidential candidates: Enough sleep and recharging time. The science is clear on what running on empty does to our decision-making — all the more reason why the candidates’ personal well-being plans should be as front and center as their health care plans.
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