It goes without saying that we’re living in some pretty crazy times right now. There’s a lot going on in the world around us, and that’s on top of all the important events taking place within our own personal and professional lives.
With all that’s happening, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. You might feel scared, angry, sad, lonely, and more. You may also feel grateful, excited, curious, and inspired as well. Being aware of how we feel is important to our mental, emotional, and physical health, as well as to our relationships to those we live with and work with.
Honoring our emotions isn’t about being self-absorbed – it’s about being true to ourselves. When we’re honest about how we feel, and when we engage in authentic conversations with other people, we build the kind of true, authentic relationships capable of seeing us through the ups and downs of life.
What does it mean to be real about how you feel?
Personally, I’ve asked myself this question many times. However, I find that it can be hard, especially at certain times and some situations, to honor my emotions and share how I really feel with others.
Some of the concerns that can get in our way when being real about how we feel are…
- What if people don’t like or approve of me?
- What if people think I’m being selfish?
- What if people think I’m being overly emotional?
- What if I’m not good enough?
- What if I’m not important enough?
- What if I feel uncomfortable or make others feel uncomfortable?
- What if me expressing this feeling seems awkward or inappropriate?
- What if people make fun of me for feeling or saying what’s true for me?
Even though we may know better, these negative thoughts (and many others) tend to get in the way of us expressing how we really feel.
Unfortunately, when we don’t honor our feelings, we disconnect from ourselves in a damaging way. We also create separation between us and other people – those we live with, work with, and who are most important to us. If they don’t know how we really feel, how can they truly connect with and support us?
5 ways to be real about how you feel
Here are some practical ways to counteract the blocks that may get in your way and, ultimately, empower you to share how you really feel.
#1 – Be real with yourself
It all starts with yourself. When you’re willing to be real about what you want and how you feel, you open yourself up to authenticity – both with yourself and others.
Make a practice of getting in touch with your true feelings. Even if you’re unclear about a specific situation, or if a particular emotion is scary, try to sit with it for a while and just feel it. Journaling is a great way to practice being honest with ourselves, since it gives us a chance to express ourselves without the fear of judgment.
#2 – Stop judging yourself
Speaking of judgment – it’s one of the biggest things that can get in the way, especially when it comes to feeling our real emotions. I shouldn’t feel this way, you might say to yourself. If I share this, they’ll think I’m a terrible person.
These self-critical thoughts encourage us to suppress how we really feel. Unfortunately, this can take a toll on us and others. Try to be real and honor your truth without judgement.
#3 – Give yourself permission to feel
Most of us operate with a hierarchy of emotions: we’re happy to feel the “good” ones (love, joy, gratitude, peace) but don’t usually like the “bad” ones (anger, fear, hurt, sadness, powerlessness, etc).
However, it’s important to remember that all human emotions have value – and they can benefit us if we’re willing to feel them in an authentic way. When we give ourselves permission to feel what we’re actually feeling, without judgment or resistance, we’re able to honor and move through our emotions in a way that can liberate us.
#4 – Let go of your “story”
Most of us are attached to a certain “story,” especially when it comes to our emotions. It’s easy to get sucked into all the drama. While our life story is important, unfortunately, obsessing over the details of a particular story can block us from genuinely feeling our emotions.
Work on feeling your emotions authentically. Don’t just talk about them, or rationalize them, or explain them away – really feel them. Honest expression is one of the best ways to move through any emotion. As my counselor, Eleanor, often says to me, “Feel the feeling…drop the story.”
#5 – Get emotional support
Unfortunately, most of us have not received a lot of emotional training in our lives. We tend to lack the built-in, healthy emotional support mechanisms needed to get through our day-to-day lives, especially given the intensity of the world these days. Instead, we often focus on appearances, actions, and results – all of which can keep us from feeling our real emotions.
There are people and resources around you that you can tap into for emotional support. Look for and find ways to get the type of assistance you want and deserve.
Make a commitment to being real
By authentically honoring, feeling, and expressing our emotions, we gain the power to enhance our well-being, eliminate unnecessary suffering, resolve conflicts, and build deeper connections with those around us.
While we’re all beautifully unique as individuals, we all universally experience the full range of emotions as human beings. Remembering this and having the courage to be real about how we truly feel reminds us that we’re all in this thing called life together.
What can you do to be real about how you feel these days? What specific emotional support could you use right now? Share your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and experiences in the comments section below.