We all need a partner who will be there for us. You need to be there for your partner. Sounds simple doesn’t it?  Do you live it? The Couples Expert explores some of the ways you can be there for your partner. 

I read a personal blog by someone recently and although the language was quite colorful and expletive-fueled, the theme and gist of the piece really struck me as something that all of us are longing for in our love relationships. We just want someone who will be there; someone who will simply show up for us.

Be there for your partner in any way you’re needed 

Be there when they’re sad, when they’re feeling needy and vulnerable. You’re not always going to be able to cheer them up, but simply being there helps more than you know. A hug, holding their hand, bringing them a cup of tea or a glass of wine makes a difference. Hanging out in the same space and staying nearby is helpful in a way that communicates support.

Be there for your partner when they are tired and feeling overwhelmed. Be their safe harbor where they can just rest and relax with no demands or expectations. Help shoulder their burdens and let them know they don’t have to do it all. We all feel more powerful and confident when we know we have someone supporting us, who has our back, and who is willing to come alongside us and be there for us.

When they want to talk through a problem; be there for your partner to listen. NOT to fix things; not even to necessarily advise them. Surely NOT to make it about you, but be there to listen with an open mind and an open heart. To do your best to truly listen not only to what they’re saying, but also to what they might be holding back.   This also means to see the positive intention in their words; to see them as a loving caring person even when they are frustrated

Allow your partner to be authentic and vulnerable and to give voice to their feelings and fears without worrying what you might think or say. Be that person that can be a sounding board, can offer a non-biased perspective or options they might not be thinking of. Give advice when asked, but simply being there to listen is a great gift that you can give your loved one. How often we interject, over talk, or interrupt each other in our excitement to provide a solution. To truly be there for your partner means you simply listen. 

When they want to sit in silence, you can be there for your partner in solidarity. We often give in to the temptation to fill silence with words and feel the need to take action. Sometimes all that is needed is your calming presence. Simply being there with your partner is enough to help them know you care.

When your loved one is feeling alone and uncertain, your physical presence lends support and lets your partner know that they’re really not alone and they have you to rely on no matter what.  Having a best friend, a lover and a confidante nearby is often exactly what is needed when a person needs to think things through, make difficult decisions, or has worry on their mind.  

It really is simple when you come right down to it, but we tend to complicate things with our busyness, our need for noise to fill the silences. I advise you to show up, even when you’re not asked. If you feel there is a need, it’s ok to ask, “Can I help?” or “Can I sit with you? “ There are many ways to show love and support to your partner in every circumstance. All we really want is someone to show up and be there for us. When we do this for each other, we create a strong emotional bond of connection that will keep us together through good times and bad. 


  • Stuart Fensterheim

    Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW

    The Couples Expert

    Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. His weekend workshop, Two Days: Seven Conversations has become a popular venue for many to set off on their journey of connectedness. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.