Divorce is hard, the adjustment to feeling content and comfortable single can be hard won. The average person who is divorcing has been married nine years or longer, it can be a big adjustment going from an “we” to an “I”. Many of us have spent the majority of our adult lives married, what we don’t talk about enough is the joy, fun and upside of embracing and enjoying this single time after divorce. Here are some great reasons to enjoy this time.
- It is essential to the healing process, some people flit from marriage to instant relationships with others but if you want to fully heal and learn from your past divorce you need time alone to regroup and heal before jumping into a new relationship. A “rebound” relationship gets a bad reputation because historically they don’t end well for us.
- You need me time and that isn’t going to be all “you” time if once again you are answering, beholding to other peoples demands of you. Me time should be spent on you, use this time to reconnect with your old friends and family, build stronger relationships with your children, do the hobbies you love. Travel, read, go to concerts, exercise do anything and everything you enjoy while practicing self-love. You will be glad you did and each month that passes you will feel more like the old you and more at peace with your new life.
- Dating is fun, yes it really can be, there are thousands of amazing people out there. Tons of ways to meet people. Dating can really help us learn what we want, what we like and desire from a future partner. Getting dressed up, flirting, dining and just the whole idea of enjoy others company can really be exciting, fun and worthwhile. You may not be ready for a future spouse right now but you can at the very least enjoy window shopping.
- Single life can be fun, when else do you get to meet new people, spontaneously go where you want, with who you want? When do you get to eat where what you want 24/7 while sleeping like a starfish on your king size bed? Never, unless you are single, so enjoy it, drink it up. Dating can be fun if you are honest there is nothing wrong with dating for fun, not for a new spouse. Single doesn’t mean unhappy it means you are enjoying your own company and the freedom being single brings.
- Taking a breath between relationships and enjoying your single status is liberating, no time more than this break do you have so many epiphanies about yourself and others. Whether it’s just taking the time to really access what happened in your last marriage and understanding how not to do it again, or maybe it’s taking time to reassess what kind of life you really want to live-it is never time wasted. The breather helps up understand how we got here and what direction we wish to go in next.
- There is nothing wrong with being single, no matter how many rom-com movies or Disney tales we watch. Some of the happiest and most fulfilled people are single by choice, when you really find an inner peace alone and build a happy life, you are content with or without a partner. In my belief you make better choices in future mates because they become a “want” not a “need” in your life.
- Chances are your marriage especially the last few years of it was unhappy and felt emotionally exhausting, marriage take effort, but it shouldn’t feel like a full-time exhausting job with few benefits. This is your time to feel the freedom and relief of that workload being lifted. Endings are difficult for all and this single time allows you to destress and decompress from what could have been years of unhappiness, pressure and divorce turmoil. Time really does heal all and this is time best spent with less of a weight on you.
- This time won’t statistically last long, the age divorcee remarries within 3 years and 8 months from their divorce. Sounds crazy but look around you most people get remarried or enter other long-term relationships fairly quickly.
You may feel you are failing by not having a new partner, you may at times feel lonely being single or not really be comfortable with your own company-this is all normal. This time after divorce and before a new relationship is so important to overall healing and future happiness. You are worthy of spending this time on yourself, you are more than enough alone and life will go on faster than you imagine. So, breathe, focus on yourself while you can and know this is your time to make the most of.