“A narcissistic relationship doesn’t just break your heart; it erodes your sense of self. But healing begins the moment you realize their behavior isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of their own inner turmoil.”
Marysol James
In today’s society, narcissism is a term that’s often misunderstood or misused, but for those who have lived through a relationship with a narcissist, its devastating impact is all too real. Bestselling romance author Marysol James brings a unique perspective to this topic, having experienced and emerged from the harrowing depths of a narcissistic relationship herself. Her journey, filled with resilience and self-discovery, provides valuable insights for those grappling with similar experiences.
In this candid interview, Marysol delves into the warning signs of narcissistic behavior, the emotional and psychological toll it takes, and the strength required to break free and heal. Drawing from her own life and professional storytelling expertise, she offers a message of hope and empowerment to those seeking to reclaim their sense of self after enduring such relationships. Read on to uncover Marysol’s compelling story and advice for finding freedom from toxic connections.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?
Hello Stacey, thanks for having me! I’m Marysol James, a contemporary romance author with 31 published books and counting. My journey into becoming an author wasn’t a straight path. It’s deeply rooted in personal experiences, including a tumultuous six-year relationship with a narcissist that taught me invaluable lessons about love, self-worth, and resilience. Writing became my refuge—a way to process my emotions and connect with others who’ve faced similar struggles. Today, I channel those experiences into creating relatable, heartfelt characters that resonate with readers around the world.
What was it like being in a narcissistic relationship?
Being in a narcissistic relationship feels like being caught in a whirlwind of confusion and doubt. Initially, it’s intoxicating because narcissists are masters of charm and flattery. They make you feel like the center of their universe. But as the relationship progresses, that facade cracks, revealing manipulation, control, and emotional abuse. It’s a constant battle to navigate their shifting moods and deflections. You lose sight of yourself as their needs consume you. It’s exhausting and isolating, leaving you feeling trapped and unsure of how to break free.
What are some warning signs people should look for in a relationship with a narcissist?
The red flags are often subtle at first. Narcissists have a way of mirroring your desires and presenting themselves as your ideal partner. They avoid accountability at all costs, using tactics like gaslighting, lying, and emotional manipulation to maintain control. They may react with intense rage or silence when confronted. If you find yourself questioning your own perceptions, constantly apologizing, or walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner, these are signs you could be dealing with a narcissist.
You’ve mentioned “gaslighting.” Can you explain what that looks like in practice?
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tactics narcissists use. It’s a form of manipulation where they twist reality to make you doubt your own memory or judgment. For example, you might confront them about a hurtful comment they made, and they’ll respond by denying it ever happened, accusing you of being overly sensitive, or even fabricating a different version of events. Over time, this erodes your confidence and makes you dependent on their version of reality, which gives them more power in the relationship.
How does a narcissist’s behavior impact a person’s sense of self-worth?
It’s incredibly damaging. Narcissists know exactly how to exploit your vulnerabilities, using your fears and insecurities against you. Over time, their constant criticism and blame chip away at your self-esteem. You start to internalize their negative perceptions, believing you’re the problem. It becomes a cycle where you’re seeking validation from the very person who’s tearing you down. Rebuilding your sense of self-worth after such an experience is a long and challenging process.
What advice do you have for someone who’s in a narcissistic relationship and unsure how to leave?
The first step is education. Learn everything you can about narcissism and recognize that their behavior is not your fault. Build a support system—friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to share your experiences. Plan your exit carefully because narcissists often react poorly when they sense they’re losing control. Most importantly, trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s because it likely is.
After leaving a narcissistic relationship, what challenges do survivors face?
Survivors often grapple with lingering feelings of guilt, shame, and self-doubt. These emotions stem from years of conditioning where the narcissist made them feel like the source of all problems. Triggers from past trauma can resurface unexpectedly, and it’s common for narcissists to attempt to re-enter their lives, further complicating the healing process. It’s crucial to focus on self-care, seek professional support, and surround yourself with people who uplift and validate your experiences.
What are some misconceptions people have about narcissism and narcissistic relationships?
A common misconception is that narcissists are confident and self-assured. In reality, they are deeply insecure and rely on external validation to mask their self-loathing. Another misconception is that you can “fix” a narcissist if you love them enough. Unfortunately, meaningful change requires a level of self-awareness that most narcissists simply don’t have. People also assume narcissistic abuse is always overt, but it can be incredibly subtle, making it harder to identify and escape.
How did you personally find the courage to leave?
For me, it was a moment of clarity that came after years of emotional exhaustion. I looked in the mirror one day and didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. I was physically and emotionally drained, and I realized I couldn’t keep living that way. It wasn’t an easy process, but I made a plan, built up my strength, and took the steps needed to leave for good. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the most liberating.
What steps did you take to heal after leaving?
Healing is a journey, and it began with prioritizing therapy and self-reflection. Writing became a powerful tool for processing my emotions and rediscovering my identity. I also leaned on friends and family who reminded me of my worth. Over time, I began to rebuild my confidence and create a life that felt authentic and empowering. It’s a gradual process, and there are setbacks, but each step forward is a victory.
Many survivors struggle with the narcissist trying to pull them back. How did you handle that?
Narcissists often use love bombing and manipulation to reel you back in. For me, setting firm boundaries was crucial. I also wrote down everything I endured during the relationship as a reminder of why I left. Whenever I felt tempted to return, I revisited that list. It grounded me and reinforced my decision to prioritize my well-being over their control.
What role does community play in the healing process?
Community is vital for healing. Joining support groups or online forums provides validation and solidarity. Hearing others share their stories reminds you that you’re not alone and offers practical strategies for coping. It’s also a safe space to process your experiences without fear of judgment, which is incredibly empowering.
For someone recovering from a narcissistic relationship, what advice would you give to rebuild their self-esteem?
Rebuilding self-esteem starts with reconnecting with your authentic self. Engage in activities that bring you joy and remind you of your strengths. Surround yourself with people who uplift and value you. Journaling can help you process your emotions and identify patterns of growth. Therapy is an invaluable resource for working through trauma and rebuilding confidence. Remember, healing isn’t a straight line—it’s okay to celebrate small victories along the way.
Let’s talk about your books. How has your experience shaped your writing?
My experiences profoundly influence my storytelling. I create characters who face real-life challenges, including trauma and emotional healing. My goal is to show that love and relationships can be healthy, respectful, and deeply fulfilling. I want readers to see themselves in my stories and feel hopeful about their own journeys.
Where can our readers find your books?
All my books are available exclusively on Amazon. I recommend starting with my Unseen Enemy series or the Road Devils MC series, which are fan favorites. You can also visit my website, MarysolJames.com, for updates, sneak peeks, and newsletters.
Are there any resources or tools you recommend for those dealing with narcissistic abuse?
Absolutely. Books like The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft are excellent starting points. Online forums and support groups can provide a sense of community. Therapy with a specialist in narcissistic abuse is critical. Additionally, mindfulness apps like Calm or Headspace can help manage anxiety and foster emotional resilience.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube under Marysol James. My website, MarysolJames.com, is a hub for updates, newsletters, and sneak peeks into upcoming books. Just search my name online, and you’ll find plenty of ways to connect.
Thank you so much, Marysol. This has been such an enlightening conversation. I know your insights will resonate with many of our readers.
Thank you, Stacey. It’s been a pleasure to share my story and hopefully help others navigate their own challenges. Take care!
Marysol James is a bestselling author known for her captivating contemporary romance novels. With over 30 books published, Marysol crafts stories that explore modern relationships, emotional depth, and personal transformation. Through her writing, she creates relatable characters who navigate life’s challenges with vulnerability and resilience, offering readers not only entertainment but also a sense of connection and inspiration. Beyond her literary accomplishments, Marysol is an advocate for self-empowerment and healing, drawing on her own experiences to help others overcome adversity and thrive.