Changing your mindset
What is it? I had never really heard of it or sat down to think about its meaning until this year.
It sounded partly like a word that has voodoo, guru, or let’s talk about chakras and meditation in a room that smells like incense. It sort of went against ingrained science, methodical meaning in some sense.
I recently listened to a podcast about a coach that works with people suffering with autoimmune diseases. She explains that the way you think about a situation, will change how you experience the situation. Thinking about the same situation in a different, more positive light, will lead to different feelings about the circumstance you cannot change: an autoimmune disease. The word how you “experience” is key. And was a big aha moment for me.
I have been saying change how you think, and this will lead to change how you feel, but making connections seems like a mile away. The situation is there, you cannot change the disease, but changing how you think will change how you experience the situation and ultimately how you feel (defeated, depressed, victimized, or empowered, illuminated, or in charge). A hugely powerful word she also discussed was the word SHOULD. I should be doing this or that. Just saying the word, SHOULD, carries guilt, disappointment.
For example, I should be writing that research paper, I should be going for a run. Just saying that makes you feel defeated because now you verbalize and realize you have not done it instead of feeling empowered to do it. You feel defeated and likely will not accomplish your “should”.
If you say, what are the steps I need to do for the paper? Can I break it down in parts? Or, I am going to focus on just the abstract this week. And piece meal into achievable goals then you will feel empowered, hopefully, ready to take action and you will build confidence you did one part of your checklist (the abstract) instead of feeling defeated that the research paper and other tasks just keep piling up.
People tell me “But I should have a steady job and husband by now, I’m 8 years out of practice.”
There is “nothing I can do, I’m an employed” physician. Chances are you are, because 46% of urologists are in an institutional setting, an if > 45 years old, male urologists make up 61.7% of private practice urologists, while females make up 40.1% in that age.
To that I say: for the should example. Change the “should” and then think of solutions to change the outcome. Talk to people, apply to 346 different positions, expand your search location, go on ONE date, sign up for a dating site, actually talk to men. If you do not do anything about your problem. Nothing will change.
I just read a fantastic quote, “A negative mind will never give you a positive life.” WHOA. WHOA…
Let that sink in. If you keep thinking things all day that are negative, “I should… I have no control.” Those thoughts are SO negative, you will NEVER achieve a positive outcome.
N-E-V-E-R.
Even if you do not start finding solutions, options to change the issue or circumstance, “I don’t have a job”, “I am employed”. Change the thoughts, so you can change how you perceive and how you experience the same circumstance. The situation will be the same. But how you perceive, live it, and how much you suffer will be completely different. I am sharing this because, in my short 8 years in practice, I have been burnt out crispy, TWICE.TWICE.
Burnout is a syndrome that results from workplace stress that leads to exhaustion, helplessness, feelings of negativity and cynicism, energy depletion and decreased professional efficacy.
I mean: is that even possible?
I thought the first time was bad, and I had changed my circumstance therefore, I did not even think this could ever happen again. I mean, I know intellectually burnout happens, at an alarming rate, as the last AMA survey showed the rate of physician burnout is > 40%. The rate of suicide is, by best estimates, about 400-500 physicians per year but the completion rate among physicians is 44% higher than expected population, and female physicians have a higher completion rate than male physicians overall (talk about the irony of the place you don’t want persistence in completing a task). But you do not realize it until it HITS you in the face.
The second time it happened, my overwhelming thoughts were: the system is broken (which it is), I am not compatible with medicine as a career because clearly. It is just literally killing me and making me ill. I do like some percentages that help and encourage me about the potential of growth and improvement. Like being one of the 0.5% of urologists that are Latin and women. It does not defeat or depress me; it empowers me to know there is so much room for growth or change.
However, knowing the percentage of physicians that commit suicide. That, I DID NOT want to be that statistic. And I am not waiting for the 3rd burnout to then become a statistic.
I was “lucky” to be saved twice: the first time by quitting my job without a plan laid out, but leaving the circumstance, getting good old Zoloft into my neurotransmitters, and adjusting the chemical imbalance the stress had caused me, and getting therapy.
The second time: I changed my thoughts.
Yes, the system is broken. Yes, the inefficiency, the hypocrisy, the demoralization of physicians is there every day staring at you in the face. NOTHING has changed… except how I think about it. For a whole year, all I thought about every day was: I hate this job, I hate this job, what am I going to do to leave this job, what is my game plan. And you know what that led to?
Not changing jobs, or anything positive.
But it led to not being present for my family, wallowing in my own pungent negativity, GERD which I had to be on Protonix for 6 months, grinding my teeth from stress that it caused severe tooth pain for 4 months, 2 root canals, 2 crowns and an abscess (which by the way was in peak of pandemic where hospitals were 70% COVID positive). It led to nothing useful, positive, or less painful.
But then I just actually changed my thoughts.
While all the circumstances are still true and still there, I can think of all the positive things that are there and how I can use my time to do something creative, positive. I decided to read books at night, write in the morning, (when my kids are asleep and I have time), start projects that are scary but creative, start running (I was runner in college and always have been), and listen to uplifting podcasts and surround myself with, and talk to people who are in a path of positivity and creativity.
That is, it. That is my big solution. Change your mindset.
And it has brought so much joy to me.
I had not literally laughed in a year. I had not gone running once in a year. I had just been a big ball of negativity that quite literally sucks the life and joy out of yourself and those around you. So, stop looking for barriers, problems, start looking for solutions.
Find a therapist, find a coach. There are literally thousands of them: coaches that help navigate diagnosis of autoimmune disease, coaches for legacy, coaches for transitions out of medicine, coaches for investing money. If you are in decision paralysis, just “google it” as someone smarter than me told me and now makes me laugh every time.
So, choose happiness and change your mindset.
I promise it will not make you eat organic, start running and lose weight, meditate and practice gratitude (or maybe it will).