So many of us have learned about the concept of checks and balances. Mostly used in the personal financial arena to ensure that your check book is balanced, likened as an accounting measure, it is a fabulous way to also ensure out relationships are balanced.
Relationships are all yes or no in practicality. The yes/no concept is this: there will be people in your life that you want in your life (the yes) and there will be others who it doesn’t matter if they are there or not (the no). We need both yes and no relationships, with the goal being to have more yes than no.
The yes/no concept creates energy. Yes people build you up and deliver positive energy into your life, whereas no people often drain us or are more often negative in nature. Just because we are drained from a relationship does not mean that the other person is not filled by us (thus having more yes than no).
No relationships grow us more than yes ones, however yes relationships spur us towards greatness more.
Now, as a relationship measure, the concept of having a check and balance system falls under three areas,
Checking In
Checking Up
Checking Out
These three concepts will help create a balance inside of all your relationships. Let’s break it down.
Checking In
Before anything can (or should) change, the first thing that needs to be completes is an assessment of where you are. This works across any concept. Inside of relationships, this becomes evaluating who is currently in your life and why.
Look across your relationships and ask the question, why. Why is this person in your life? Do they need to be in your life, or do you need them to be in your life (two different ideas)? In your life, is this person a positive or negative influence.
Furthermore, we must ask what are the advantages and disadvantages of either keeping this person in your life or removing them from it. Everything relationship will have positive and negative traits to them (the yes/no), although we must learn to evaluate and create boundaries. Knowing why others are in our lives helps us live with more integrity and authenticity too.
Checking Up
For relationships to grow, they must be fostered. No matter the relationship, stagnation will kill it eventually. Friendships grow when we strive to find reasons to intimately (personally) experience new depths with another person.
Intimacy is not about a physical/sensual type of relationship, although with a significant other is would, as much as it is about creating vulnerability and trust.
We all have surface relationships too (these typically are the ‘no’ ones). It is okay to have them, albeit we should only have a handful of them. The goal should be to gain a deeper understanding of others whether work colleagues, friends, family, or romantic partners.
Checking up on others cultivates growth.
Checking Out
Finally, there will be relationships that we need to end. This can be tricky at times, yet as we end relationships, we should always strive to not blow up the bridge. We never know when we will need help form someone, so one of the best ways to end a relationship naturally is to check out.
Limit the time you spend with others or increase the time between connections. Doing this will also make you aware of other people who you may feel are doing it to you. If that is the case, check in with them!
Communication is the best way to understand where a relationship is.
There has been no more important time than now to evaluate where we are and who is in our lives. Check in with where you are, check up on those who are important to you, and check out from anyone that is unhealthy.