Some might say “she’s rambling again!” And for that I’m truly not sorry! I’m sitting here today, with my beautiful meditation music playing and incense burning, some would say my life is at a standstill but I’d prefer to say it’s reached a point of utter peace and serenity… I was told many years ago that the worst years of my life would be when my kids grew up and left home… I’m waiting! Not for the leaving home but certainly the growing up! I’m not saying I was much of a role model when it came to relationships, heck! I was up and down and round and round like a yo yo on a string! Hmmmm… When I related this thought to my children’s lives I started to realise the reality of it all! I WAS UP AND DOWN LIKE A YO YO ON A STRING! yep! Reality bites like a mofo! How can I expect my children’s relationships to blossom when all I showed them was a withering life, filled with anger, frustration, hate and all those other horrible emotions… How can I expect my children to not flounder throughout their lives and loves without, at times, hanging on like a yo yo? I didn’t really show them how to be stable and love for real until I met the man I’m with now… So I guess I should allow them the 50 years I’ve lived before I can expect any real understanding of what life and love is all about! For those of you who read my children’s posts about ‘on again, off again’ relationships and ‘ups and downs’ like a yo yo on a string’ and you’re looking for somewhere to place the blame… Look no further than to me! They say you become a product of your parent’s upbringing… Well I found nothing, as I grew up, to suggest that love is ever after until now… And now, thanks to me and the way I’ve conducted myself throughout my life, my children are the exact same… All of them… It pains me to say this but the apple falls so near the foot of the tree… and that tree is me! Please don’t judge them, they’re all learning, they’re all trying to be what they’re meant to be and, with no help from their mother, they’ve been going it alone. I don’t pretend to know everything, I don’t pretend to not be at fault, ever so slightly, even… I guess this is just the way life is, live and learn… Love and lose… and for me… Happily it wasn’t too late… For my children… I hope it isn’t either… Find someone, settle down, love them with your whole heart but when it’s over, let it be! Move on and start again… If you continue to fight something that’s inevitably going to end, you’ll suffer immensely… Not always physically but mentally, heartedly and if you have children, they’ll suffer also… We don’t all have what it takes to have the ‘happily ever after’ with our first or first few loves… But please know… It is possible… Go! Find it! Claim it! and enjoy it! It’s beautiful beyond words… But remember it’s painful, tearful, and at times so destructive, full of sacrifice and if you don’t try to learn to give and take, then you’ll never find what you’re searching for… Some search all their lives for what it took me 1/2 a century to find… at last I can say, without a doubt, “I’m in love!” And it feels wonderful… Not what I ever expected it to be! Find your ever after… I love you all … blog off!
