You hear the alarm go off, the smell of coffee is drifting in from the kitchen. You need to get up but you hit the snooze button instead.

For one golden moment you retreat into your dream life, where money doesn’t dictate your choices, your lover understands and accepts you completely and you’ve found life’s purpose.

You are free.

Again the alarm sounds…You dreams shatter only to be replaced with life’s heavy shackles.

 You spend the morning commute listening to rappers talk about a hard knock life whilst watching glum faces pile onto the train. You keep your head down at work, only perking up when discussing what you’d do if you won the lottery with your equally uninterested colleague.

Sound familiar?

What if I said that you were ONE decision away from living that dream life?

That all you need to do is trust yourself to make a choice…

Many years ago on my daily commute to work, I used to dream about the day I would pull the emergency handle on the train and jump out. I’d fantasise about the freedom I’d feel walking through this gate and was certain that whatever was on the other side was better than the life I was living. I even created a children’s story that revolved around this gate.

It was a pivotal moment in my life when I decided to find this gate; with butterflies in my stomach and trepidation tingling down to my fingertips, I opened it and sure enough, my life changed forever.

But I didn’t get transported into my fantasy world where life was perfect. No, I was still boring old me; walking down an unremarkable forest path as squirrels threw nuts at my head with very muddy shoes and windswept hair that had seen better days.

I came to the bitter realisation that no matter how far I ran, or what I’d accomplished, it would never be enough to fill the void inside. I was destined to spend my life unsubconsciously searching for something I couldn’t define. Constantly reaching out, only to be disappointed with feelings of restlessness.

I hated my life but accepted that until I knew what I wanted, I had to keep getting on that train everyday to support those that needed me. 

It took a stranger in a dream to finally wake me up. As we sat on a step with a bottle of bourbon between us, he asked me what was holding me back. I explained my situation and how I felt helpless to change. He laughed and shook his head. Pouring a another glass he said,

‘No Chrystal, the only person holding you back is you. YOU are only accountable for YOUR life, nobody else’s. You don’t like it, change it.’

When I woke, the seemingly unfathomable truth became clear. If I wanted to change my life and be happy, I needed to look within and be completely accountable for the unhappiness I wallowed in. It was my choices that led me there and it would be my choices and attitude that would set me free. 

That was the hardest thing to do, accepting accountability. I’m sure many of you are shaking your heads and maybe even believe that your unhappiness is the result of somebody else’s actions. Be it your boss, lover, parent, child, friend. 

Maybe you’re right…But what choices did you make to end up in that situation? What are you doing now to regain control of your happiness.

Your ego may try and convince you that every decision made was the right choice at the time. Let me ask you, are you happy now? If not, then surely at some point you made a choice that lead you to this unhappy place?

There is a reason why you refuse to accept this concept easily. By accepting accountability for every choice means also taking responsibility for negative outcomes. But it’s ok, forgive yourself and know that by taking control of your actions and attitudes today, you will positively influence the outcome of your future. It’s never too late.

Always remember, where there is a will, there is a way, come what may.

Much Love,

Your Epiphany