Freedom from Destructive Emotion at Work
Freedom from Destructive Emotion at Work

We are taught in modern self-help literature that ‘life isn’t fair’. We are taught to choose our attitudes in how to deal with life’s unfairness. As Victor Frankl, Auschvitz survivor and psychotherapist states in Man’s Search for Meaning

“When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom. Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

I refer to Frankl here as I’m battling with feeling upset, lacking self-esteem and de-valued by a set of circumstances at work. For clarity; a downward spiralling situation has arisen in another department which I’ve offered to step in and help resolve yet somehow found fingers pointing at me for the situation having arisen in the first place (in another department, in another team, far removed from my operational remit). It’s not fair. I’ve entered the situation positively, proactively and forward thinking, raising the problem to the board, offering ideas on how to resolve, indeed offering to own resolution, and yet rather than a collaborative approach of solving things together I’ve received a rather brutal assault of finger pointing, blame and accusation.

Management Insecurity Manifested with Finger Pointing

Mercifully I’m rational and an experienced leader so no stranger to this scenario. A management problem is highlighted, seniors get twitchy and nervous, insecure that they should have managed things better or indeed they don’t know how to manage things better so from deep rooted fear and insecurity they flare up aggressively and finger point. It’s so easy when you have a scapegoat, eh.

I’m good at removing emotion from combative discussions and dealing with fact, action and positive progress. However, in the early hours of the morning, in insomniac privacy, my limbic brain goes bananas. It’s ridiculous. It’s cruel. I haven’t done anything wrong. How can he humiliate me so publicly. He’s so hypocritical. I’m upset. I was trying to help. What does he actually want me to do? I need a new job description as this is now a new remit he’s tasking me with. I feel hurt. Maybe I am not valuable. Maybe I am shit at my job and should leave. Maybe I’m about to get the sack. How am I going to afford the mortgage, the school fees? On and on and on goes the crazed moonlit angst of upset me.

Silencing the Paranoid Brain

So, how to quieten this destructively active brain? It’s fundamentally about not taking this personally. It’s about recognising that I can choose how to respond to the situation, people and plans. I can choose to focus on my inner power and continue to do my best. I can choose not to shed any more tears. I can choose to learn from this man’s behaviour, from this experience. I can help this man with love and compassion soothing his aggression and own nervousness. I can solve the problem with my best foot forward. I can choose to create new opportunities for myself elsewhere externally. I can choose.

Enlightenment through Conscious Choice

So, today as I steel myself for the battering I assume awaits me in the office I do so with lightness in my heart as I will not be taking it personally. I have choices and I have a plan. My nocturnal misery was self-created, a self-projected set of beliefs which triggered me to feel negative emotions. Through consciously detaching and observing the situation I feel lighter and better able to cope.

Detach Emotion to be Free

To recap, when you observe what upsets you most in life and examine where deep personal misery comes from invariably it’s your inner self taking a person, situation or event to heart personally

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  • Bianca Best

    Flourish with Bianca Best – writer, entrepreneur and manifestor dedicated to ensuring your life glistens with the work, love and vitality you desire.


    Hey! I'm Bianca! A writer, entrepreneur, mother and unshakeable optimist passionately devoted to ensuring your life glistens with the work, love and vitality you desire. Born with big dreams, a strong work ethic and fervent belief that life holds no limits, I’ve discovered how to unlock human potential.  Through my transformational ESCAPE™ programme, coaching, books, online courses, BB-TV, workshops, keynotes and retreats, I stratospherically catapult gifted individuals like you into the place you’re meant to be. I’m honoured to be a best-selling author and to work with leaders from Amazon to Snapchat, and to have personally learned wisdom first-hand from gurus such as Arianna Huffington. Blessed with abundance, I cherish 4 rapidly growing children, 3 businesses, and 1 English country home which is my creative and spiritual sanctuary. My life’s work represents a chronology of passions explored. From writing, to entrepreneurialism, to corporate leadership, to tech firsts, I’ve experimented, learned, grafted and always savoured the journey as much as the destination. Practice what you want to grow I’m fascinated by neuroplasticity and our ability to build skills that progressively enable us to achieve goals faster and easier. When we respect that life is about choices and consequences and choose concentrated cognitive focus, dreams become reality pretty quickly. Blend awareness of limiting beliefs, value systems, habits and behaviours with a personal definition of success, and you’ll strike gold.  The moment I clarify a goal (and I mean intricately define that tantalising something which has stimulated every cell in my body), and organise my habits, attitude and behaviour to thrust onwards towards it, giving it my unwavering attention, then life clicks into beautiful flow. I want this for you too! First Entrepreneurial Forays Coincided with 4 Baby Bests! After simultaneously blending a freelance writing career with exploratory post-grad advertising agency roles and stints as a presenter, I launched my first business in 2004 taking my creativity and resilience to new heights as I served global customers with a pioneering digital personalised gift company. I enjoyed an exhilarating decade learning that with the right focus, energy and vision anything and everything is possible. By the time I sold this business I’d welcomed 4 mini Bests confidently into the world too, including baby twins. What an unexpected (and time-management!) twist they gave to entrepreneurialism! I definitely live by the mantra “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” (and ironically still reflect on that first year juggling 4 children under 7 whilst expanding my company into an omni-channel franchise one of my most purposeful and joyful ever!)! Corporate Leadership Rigour I see life as a great big, fun experiment and every experience a moment of potential growth. With ‘intra-preneurialism’ now being invited into traditional business realms, I couldn’t resist a global leadership role in a large-scale corporate behemoth fusing my entrepreneurial passions with a legacy world. A truly invigorating opportunity! I’ve thus since set up a third millennium consultancy within WPP partnering with global brands such as Mars, CocaCola, Sony and Uber to accelerate digital transformation agendas amidst the volatility of today’s marketing landscapes. To say I love this work is an understatement, plus the output agendas and relationship dynamics all simultaneously add brilliant new depths to my coaching practice. Escaping the Whirlwind Decades back I suffered immune collapse repeatedly along my undulating, endlessly busy path and in June 2019 the World Health Organisation classified Burnout as a global epidemic. Too many of us have been, or are being, buffeted by life’s whirlwind at the expense of our mental and physical wellbeing. I created my science-based ESCAPE™ programme to combat exactly this. Through six powerful pillars I blend my certifications in coaching, hypnotherapy and NLP with my life experiences to empower ambitious individuals like you to thrive. It is possible to maximise impact without burnout and I show you how to respect your individuality and flourish. Which Brings Me To You Whether you feel stuck in a corporate rut, trapped in an unhappy relationship, constantly exhausted, overwhelmed by the sheer pace of modern life, frustrated by slow business growth, or beguiled by which way to turn next, I can get you moving, shining and smiling again. I’ll share every one of the mistakes I’ve made as I’ve fumbled and grappled and tripped my way through this game called life. Equally, I’ll share the ways I’ve succeeded in realising my own dreams and solving my own problems. It would be my honour to hold your hand through your next chapter and make that vibrant vision I know you hold in your heart a sparkly reality. I’ll give you the confidence to make decisions that are utterly transformational. You will up-level your life and become exactly who you’re meant to be. Let’s have fun together and make now the time you unleash your very best self!! Here’s to your future filled with the love, work and vitality you absolutely deserve! Lovingly yours, Bianca x