This is not a common situation, we can all agree on that.
Coronavirus not only hit us physically, trying to making us weaker; it also affected us mentally, that’s why I thought about those people who are coming out during these hard times.
Coming out it’s never easy, you’re taking control of your life, finally; you’re confronting your fears talking to your friends and family about it and you don’t know how’s gonna be.
We take for granted (as it should be) the love of our close ones towards us, we love them, no matter what and that’s why we should be loved too, right? One of the biggest feelings that someone coming out experiments it’s the fear of disappointing others, especially their parents.
They gave us everything, even the power and opportunity to be alive, the possibility of wanting someone in the future; we own them all the things we get, all the wins and defeats, all the experiences we live and people we meet. All the people we’re capable to love.
After feeling this huge weight in our shoulders we think we should live according to what they want for us, that we should be perfect; we can apply that to any type of situation too. For example, in high school.
Who didn’t feel that invisible responsibility of being the best, the popular one, the person that everyone should like? I’m talking about this from the experience: in what I was thinking when I said I liked books? Or videogames? Or taking walks and spending time alone instead of going to parties? (Let me tell you something: spending time alone it’s not antisocial, solitude can be relaxing and peaceful at the right times.)
Things didn’t go well when I came out. At first, they’re started asking questions and making jokes about it and I was always very uncomfortable about that; don’t get me wrong, asking questions it’s okay… If you ask them properly.
Coming out is a whole emotional process, a very anxious one, mainly in a moment like this. We don’t understand that we have the right to be happy and that the only one who can give us that is ourselves, not even the parents, not even friends or family; they’re not living our life, so we don’t need to follow their expectations.
So, the first thing I consider important in any type of relationship, it’s communication. To all the parents out there, reading this: ask your child how’s everything going and don’t make them feel bad for feeling sad, angry, or nervous sometimes.
We tend to ignore all the negative thoughts, to block the feelings that make us miserable, but humans when the day comes to an end; everyone needs to experience it so we grow up stronger than ever. This not only applies to parents, but it also does to their children: please, if they asked you and they’re worried about you, talk to them. Don’t hide, don’t close up, you’re not bothering anyone; if you need help, ask for it, even when it seems hard, it doesn’t make you any less worthy.
After setting the main statement we can start giving some advice: how should I take it as a parent?
– Do some research: You have plenty of time now, there’s no excuse to not sit with your son or daughter and try to figure what they feel. Read books, watch documentaries… Try to understand what’s going on inside their heads.
– Be open-minded: Make questions if you need to, but choose wisely: don’t ask something you know your son or daughter it’s gonna be uncomfortable with, don’t be a skeptic or say things like “how can we help you to change this?“; there’s nothing you can change because it shouldn’t be changed.
– Be there: You should be supportive, caring, and empathetic. Coming out it’s very stressful already, if your son or daughter do it this quarantine can suppose a bigger anxiety level. This is a big step for him or her, mental health during a lockdown decrease and turns into a rollercoaster. Talk to them, listen to them and love them, they’re trusting you their most intimate secret.
How should I come out?
– Prepare yourself: The most important thing about this travel is accepting you and loving you so you can love others later. Stand in front of the mirror and say “I’m this“, picture yourself saying it out loud and making it real, that will help you to identify how you’re feeling about it.
– Do some research too: The mind can be your worst enemy, even more, if you’re at home all the time so maybe you think you’re alone, that no one ever went through all the things you’re living… You’re wrong. There’s a lot of singers, influencers, actors that came out and felt like you, even worse sometimes. Listen to their songs so you find some relief in their lyrics, watch their documentaries (like The Out List or When I Knew), maybe you’d find yourself in their stories. Read about the gender and sexuality’s specter so you can clarify your emotions.
– Give you some time: As I said before this process is a hard one, more during these circumstances. Take your time to assimilate your thoughts, it doesn’t matter if you’re confused, everything is fine. Probably you’re worried, ” what if I’m not this?” “what if I’m this and not what I’m thinking?” Doubts are going to jump to you, fear is gonna conquer every inch of your body.
You took an important step and, it’s normal if you’re feeling disturbed about it, don’t make something unimportant out of it.
– Look for help if you need to: It exists a bunch of organizations with professionals that can guide you during this journey, not only in the coming out process, but also during this lockdown. If you have any problem or you’re struggling with all this dilemma you can contact The Trevor Project, which is an organization that prevents suicide and intervene in crisis related to LGBTQ+ youth: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
– Look at the bright side: You’re not having a good time, this is not the time of your life, but this will pass too. Nothing last forever, keep a positive mental attitude trying to be the best version of yourself, you’re here to love and be loved, and there’s nothing wrong about it.
To end this article I want to make a recommendation that will help, hopefully, young people (and not that young) who are going through these times. Now that we have free time it’s a good opportunity to watch Netflix, Amazon, or YouTube videos, especially one channel: nowthisisliving.
Shannon Beveridge has turned to be one of the most iconic examples inside the LGBTQ+ community with her videos, where you can find personal experiences that inspired and helped others or topics extremely well explained that are considered as “delicate” to talk about. She also has won some awards like Shorty Award for LGBTQ+ YouTube Channel and LGBT+ Celebrity Rising Star.
Here is my must-watch:
1. COMING OUT TO FAMILY: https://youtu.be/0vyAHHstmVI
2. YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING: https://youtu.be/DSI-Bg669QM
3. Coming Out: https://youtu.be/2JvxIQOpkWk
4. let’s talk about gender: https://youtu.be/xU4_IjFutuE
5. A Letter To You: https://youtu.be/vB9M0f9FDiE
6. SHOPPING IN THE MAN SECTION | STORYTIME: https://youtu.be/GNbIApAmQko
7. EXPLAINING BISEXUALITY: https://youtu.be/UJluRmxmS0E
8. I CAN’T BE GAY, with Shannon Beveridge: https://youtu.be/2zBFefkYaDQ
And don’t forget, last but not least, whoever is reading this: Love yourself and love others because it doesn’t matter how you identify or others do, you do you and you deserve to be happy.