Conversations With My Wife About My Writing

It’s always seemed to me that the ultimate test of engagement is stand-up comedy. The distilled wit, the elicited imagery, and the delivery all have to be just right if it’s to work.

And I’ve always wondered if one could replicate the experience using the medium of the written, as opposed to the spoken word. So, for better or worse, here follows an experiment that is admittedly somewhat self-indulgent, but which I hope you’ll find entertaining as well as informative…

I’ve been writing professionally for a long time. Sometimes for pretty good pay, sometimes for not so good pay. Either way, it’s always involved the input of a lot of time and effort. So much so that my wife and daughters have, at times, bridled at my being constantly distracted, always walking around in a kind of thought-induced daze, and paying little genuine attention to what they were doing or saying. In other words, acting like a kind of absent-minded professor — which I actually was in an earlier life.

As a result, my wife and I have, from time to time, had some far too candid conversations about my writing activities and would-be career.

For example, we were out one evening walking with our two dogs, when I told her I really needed to get back home to do some writing…

She said snarkily, “Why don’t you try writing a few checks, for a change?”

Totally abashed, I told her I really thought I just needed to find some inspiration…

To which she replied, “How about settling for some perspiration in a paying job?”

So, I told her I didn’t think that kind of sarcasm was funny…

And she said, “Neither is your writing.“

Which I have to tell you kinda got to me, so I pointed out I really didn’t appreciate her making those kinds of jokes at my expense…

To which she quipped, “Well, I’d be happy to make them for free.“

But I don’t want to give you the wrong impression… We weren’t always at odds over my writing…

When I first started out as an aspiring wordsmith, I carried in my pocket, at all times, a 3×5 index card for recording great ideas as they came to me…

Unfortunately, a couple of decades later, the card was still blank.

Of course, part of the reason was that I moved on to using a mini voice recorder, then more recently an iPhone to keep track of my insights…

However, I gave that up, as well… when Siri kept telling me just to shut up.

On the positive side, I truly believe I owe a lot of my writing development to the edgy tension between my wife and me about it…

I remember once telling my wife I had a great idea to discuss with her…

She replied that all my ideas grate on her.

So, I tried to tell her that maybe I just needed some mental stimulation…

She suggested a Taser.

I told her she wasn’t fooling me, that I knew she actually had a heart of gold…

But she replied, “Not anymore, I had to hock it, to pay for groceries.”

Still, I can say I would not have wanted it any other way… At least, I think not…

For instance, once during a quieter moment, I said to my wife, “You know, the things you say about my writing really aren’t funny…

But she shot back, “That’s been my line all these years.”

Completely exasperated, I told her our conversation really wasn’t going anywhere…

She just chuckled derisively and said, “Yeah, just like your writing career.”

Author’s Notes: Thank you for trying out this “new” form of stand-up comedy. If you liked this post, please share it around to readers in your network, whether on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or another platform ― provided only that you credit me properly as the author, and include a live link to the original post.

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Should you be curious about some of my other writings, you might want to take a look at the following:

“Vending Machines Are People Too”

“Two Pizzas And a Shovel”

“Life Is Like a Monza Wall”