I lost my second born son and it drained all my energy. The resulting agony happened to be the worst feeling ever. I had mixed emotions of anger and guilt, and never thought I could come to terms with what had happened. Truly, I thank God that I was able to recover from the trauma. The ordeal of coping up with child loss is personal, and people react differently. However, I hope that my personal story would at least help you know that you shall overcome the journey.
As I write this, I am in my third month after the loss of my son. I can’t forget that day, the twenty-third of May, 2018, when I experienced some recurring pain in my tummy. The pain intensified. My due date was supposed to be around the twenty-eighth, but the closeness of the date was a signal that the blessings had come early.
I notified my husband who was in a nearby golf club, and he swiftly came to check on me. At that time, the pain was forcing me to bend; I could not stand straight. We left our firstborn with a family friend to take care of him. Quickly, we moved into our car and went to the nearby supermarket to buy some few items that we would require and headed to the nearby hospital.
I was booked into the maternity ward and after the nurse assessed me, she told me that there was no movement of the kid in my tummy, no sign of life. I felt shocked and started to tremble and couldn’t talk for a while. But they said that only after birth would they be sure if the kid was dead or alive. All this time, my husband was seated in the reception area waiting for an update. No one talked to him for all that time. After one hour, I gave birth normally and my fears were confirmed. My kid was dead! It still pains me to date.
As a woman, you may feel that you’re responsible for the failure to give birth to a healthy or dead baby. The feeling of sorrow is usually particularly strong in women as compared to men because you have already bonded with the kid for some nine months. Men may also not show their grief by crying, but that does not mean that the situation doesn’t shake them. You may see some decline in productivity for men in their work, or a lack of interest in things that they used to do. All in all, you’re in this together.
On your way to healing, crying is allowed, and staying alone to grieve is also okay. Nonetheless, do not try to allot blame to anyone including your spouse, friends, or doctors. Also, avoid regrets or thinking what would have happened if you opted for a C-section. If you’re a believer in faith, trust that it was the work of the maker and that you will be rewarded in future.
There are some options that can help you to recover from the trauma. But you need to accept that the recovery process will be slow. One of the options is to talk to a counselor or bereavement expert who will guide you through the difficult journey. Also, spend more time with the people that you love, such as your spouse. If you have a kid, spend time teaching them how to do a certain task and they can help you to recover.
From the loss of my baby, I have discovered that no matter how much time I spend to grief or the profundity of my angst, the world doesn’t end. It’s not easy but you shall overcome.