I will give you a million pounds if you could (if I had them).

Irrespective of gender, age or looks? Could you do it for a million pounds? Most likely not. Even if the person was your preferred gender and you had no say in who it was you probably couldn’t do it.

The point is that just as you cannot control who you fall in love with, you also can’t control your inner feelings and thoughts. We have been taught the opposite though. We have been taught that the rules of the internal and external world are the same. But they aren’t.

In the external world if you don’t like something then you get rid of it.

In the internal world, if you aren’t willing to have it, then you’ll have it.

This seemingly small distinction has massive implications for each one of you in your life. We have been wasting a lot of time and energy trying to control or avoid those unpleasant internal experiences yet through that process we are only delaying and strengthening their grip on us.

We get too attached to what the mind tells us, we buy into our thoughts and look at the world through them, not at them. We think that they define us but in reality you are not your thoughts. You are a conscious container for all of life’s experiences, good and bad, loving and hurtful.

You do not need to take sides or try to control your feelings. You need to be more accepting and willing to feel the whole spectrum of human emotions. Distinguish between the rules of the internal and external world. This will save you a lot of time and energy. Energy which you can put into the real person you fall in love with.

Originally published at medium.com