We need parents who are attuned to our needs. Nurturing emotional interactions with parents are an indispensable requirement of human brain development.

Children in non-attuned relationships may feel loved but do not experience feeling appreciated for who they really are. It happens easily when the parent is stressed or tuned out for any reason. We learn to present only our “acceptable” side. We repress the emotional responses our parents reject and learn to reject ourselves for even having such responses. This gives rise to core deficiency beliefs and a fierce inner critic to suppress what we don’t dare to express.

This is a fundamental reason emotional neglect is so damaging. It is the origin of not daring to be authentic, the root of denial and suppression, and of disconnection from ourselves and others. We are stuck in a past when we were not seen and appreciated for the range of who we really are.

We build resilience and strength through attuning to ourself at younger ages and to ourselves as we are now. We change our experience and become grounded in our own knowing and unconditional acceptance of who we are. We can release old beliefs and experience the freedom and excitement of living in alignment with our own interests and values.

“A fundamental goal of human development is the emergence of a self-sustaining, self-regulated human being who can live in concert with fellow human beings in a social context. Vital for this healthy development is a relationship with a parent who sees and understands the child’s feelings and can respond with attuned empathy to the child’s emotional cues.” Gabor Maté, MD

Now is the perfect time to attune to ourselves and heal the developmental deficits of the past.

(7 min)