Now that we have entered the summer, we’re likely to have more scheduled vacations and activities with our families. Although this sounds really nice in theory, it might also bring with it more opportunities for family drama to arise.
Family drama is more likely to come into play when you’re spending more time together, but generally speaking, it happens for a variety of reasons. Family conflicts may have to do with emotional baggage, poor communication, different values or lifestyles, jealousy, comparisons, control issues, stress, or boundary issues.
Don’t worry, though, there are some things that you can do to reduce family drama. Begin by setting clear boundaries. Decide what is okay for you and what is not and communicate that clearly (and calmly) with your family members. It also helps to practice empathy. Do your best to try to understand where the other person is coming from and listen even though you may disagree with what they’re saying.
It also pays to work on your communication skills. Speak to individuals directly, and with respect. Attempt to steer clear of gossiping, shouting or gaslighting others. Count to five before reacting, and take time to process things, before having an emotional reaction. It’s also useful to pick your battles. You don’t need to challenge everything; pick and choose what’s most important to you. It’s also valuable to pick a neutral ground to talk things out. The atmosphere for the discussion can positively influence the outcome. Additionally, be sure to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements so that you are not placing blame. When all else fails, it can be beneficial to call in a professional like a therapist, or a third party, just to help resolve past issues and repetitive, negative family patterns.
When you get into a family conflict, it can really bring you to an emotional low. There are, however, also a lot of ways that you can help prevent family drama from negatively impacting your mindset. First, you can start by detaching emotionally when needed. You can care about your family members, but you don’t need to carry their emotional baggage- get good at separating it. It can also be helpful to create space. Set time apart for clear thinking and room for emotional release- you don’t have to be on top of each other all the time. You can also incorporate mindfulness or meditation techniques into your routine, particularly during times of high family interaction. Sometimes a conflict can be resolved by talking it out to prevent further escalation or rumination. Journaling can also facilitate the release of any negative feelings that you are holding onto.
I also suggest developing your own identity outside of your family. Your family might see you one way (and perhaps that’s not always accurate), but the rest of the world will view you in the way that you present yourself. Lean into that knowledge. You should also set emotional boundaries. The issues of your other family members are not your own, and it’s not your job to fix them. At the end of the day, you should only focus on what you can control- yourself and your own reactions. You can’t control anybody else. When all else fails, look for distractions like spending time with people who support and get you. Hobbies and physical activity also go a long way.
Just remember that your family is an important part of your life and your emotional growth. Although you might have some drama at times, you can get a lot of personal growth from the way that you deal with it; remind yourself of that and use these techniques when you need to.