As we get ready for Thanksgiving this year, some people might feel highly anxious or even think of skipping family gatherings because of fallout from the recent election. For many of my clients the loss is palpable and devastating and they don’t want to face relatives that may have voted for Donald Trump. Conversely, some of my patients who are Trump voters are excited to attend Thanksgiving gatherings and tell me it will be hard for them to control their celebratory mood and not rub the victory in the faces of their Kamala Harris voting relatives. Neither are healthy.
I’ve had some clients talk to me about how they refuse to speak to a sibling because that person voted for Donald Trump. One person I heard of even stated to her father “you’ll never see your grandchild”, simply because he voted for Trump. And one Trump supporter I heard of still hasn’t gotten over the 2020 loss and refuses to see or even speak to his liberal cousin.
This is the time that we find ourselves in: we are divided as a Nation. Unfortunately, I’ve heard some bad advice from so-called mental health providers and they are only making this problem worse. We have a psychiatrist from one of the most prominent universities in the world telling people on National TV that it’s okay to cut off family and essentially start fights with them because of the election. I’ve known of other mental health providers who have formed emergency support groups the very next day after the election. And I even heard of a club in New York City offering “cathartic scream sessions”.
We must now ask ourselves: Is this really the kind of advice and reaction that’s going to help heal our national divide? It shows in many ways that my profession unfortunately is missing the moment. I’d go so far as to say that the very people we turn to for help are creating more problems and division in our society. This topic is the very thesis of a book I am currently writing and discussed during a recent TV appearance.
Sure, you don’t have to be around people you don’t like, but that’s not how I advise my clients. We not only have a great opportunity to help heal a fractured Nation, but I would argue, as a licensed mental health professional, that we have a responsibility. We need to rise above the discord and recognize that a friend or family member should transcend any one politician, election, or political party. I urge people to think past the politician they may despise, or the party they may hate, and focus on the things they like about their friend or family member. My guess is there are shared interests that bonded you with this person long before this recent election and should go beyond it, too.
It’s time for the party that is known to preach diversity, inclusivity, and acceptance to start doing exactly that when it comes to people who may have different political ideas. And it’s time for the party that values family to do just that and see beyond this election. Chances are, no matter which political party you affiliate with, you want peace, safety, security, and a healthy economy, and even to be able to celebrate a day off from work with friends and family.
So, remember the spirit of what brings you together this Thanksgiving while attending or hosting gatherings. It’s about love, friendships, and gratitude. When seeing friends and family, try to focus on the positive things that bond you, not the differences. Share happy memories, while building new ones. Have fun and be sure to keep things in perspective: The holidays are supposed to be a positive time.