Dear Fierce Force: I’m having trouble deciding whether to leave my (boyfriend/girlfriend). I love (him/her) but everything is toxic. I’m fed up and have given (him/her) chance after chance and I don’t know what to do anymore! (He/She) can be so sweet. We have put in so much time… I just… I don’t know. I’m scared.  Please help! It seems everyone in my family has an opinion, my friends all say they know best and I’m too “in it” to know. It’s overwhelming. Half my friends says leave, half say (he/she) will change and to work on it.

Signed, totally Lost and Sad.

Dear lost and sad,

Firstly, BLOCK OUT ALL THE NOISE and ALL other opinions but YOUR OWN!

Go inward.

Get still.

Spin a cocoon and slowly breathe within this protective shield. 

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s ok!

It’s not necessarily enjoyable, in fact – it can suck to live in the unknown. But it’s ok!

Live in limbo for a moment.

An hour.

A few days.

A month.

Let information settle, without seeking clarity

— and answers will percolate..

In an hour.

Or a few days.

Or a month.

When you are ready to hear the answer- you will, and it will be strong! You inner healer knows, your inner teacher guides. Become quiet so that when those answers bubble to the surface, you will hear the message.  

Clarity comes with presence. 

Too much sadness, anger, and grief = too much past, not enough Presence.

Too much fear, worry, and anxiety = too much future, not enough Presence. 

Stay Present. I call them Eckhart Tolle moments.*

If you had a daughter or son in your situation, struggling with a partner such as yours – what would you wish for them? 

You know. This is what your inner healer wants for you.


Answers will come.

Be gentle, and trust your fierce truth ?


  • Jen Whitney

    CEO of Being Fierce

    Inspired and Inspire! Truth dweller of raw grit; exposed and naked on the page. Learning. Evolving. Emerging. What a ride! Co-parent to three. Director.  Poet. Writer. Space- Explorer. Transformed my life. Lost the mental weight, lost 60 pounds, created space, filled with self-love, now use the word impossible with caution. —— We are all worthy of self-respect and self-responsibility and we can prove it in our actions. Let's go get it!