Are you a “real” man? Are you a gay man? A straight man? Are you a SNAG (A Sensitive, “New Age” kind of guy)? 

Or, are you just a man trying to find yourself beyond the stereotypes?

As a kid, I was taught that in order to be a “real man” you had to be rough and tough and take care of others before you ever take care of yourself. I spent 30 years looking at how I could take care of everyone else while also searching for “how to be a man” based on all of the stereotypes around me.

What I’ve found is that most men have been taught that they should give themselves up to make other people happy. It starts at home, at school, at work and in relationships. What ends up happening is that most men cut off parts and pieces of themselves until they don’t have any of their real selves left.

What you end up with is a man who has given up what is true for him in favor of everyone else and very rarely are they happy as a result of those choices.

In fact, it wasn’t until I had a son of my own, that I started looking at what kind of man I truly wanted to be.

What started asking myself was:

  1. What Have I Always Known?

If you start asking yourself, “What have I always known?” you’ll start tapping into what you knew as a kid that you have given up on a long time ago. For me, I knew I wanted to be a superstar, to be kind and to help people. I wanted to be different. What happens to most men is that they grow up spending time around other men, and sooner or later they all start acting the same way, which many times is based on the stereotype of what it means to be a man. If you start asking yourself this question, you might find you.

2. Are We All the Same?

Most of us are out there trying to pretend to be someone we’re not. Some reflection of a man we think we’re supposed to be. I realized early on that I was very different. It wasn’t until recently that I started actually getting the gift of that difference. What if you started asking yourself, “If I were being me here, the man I truly wanted be, what would I choose?”

3. Can A Real Man Be Vulnerable & Caring?

Have you decided that being a man means you have to keep everything inside? What if you could be a “real man” and still talk about the things that are going on in your life? It’s an unwritten law, that as men we can’t talk about things with each other, but what I’ve found is that when I did talk to men about what was going on for me, they could talk to me about what was going on for them.

To create change, does it need to start with us?

Ask for people in your life that don’t judge you and talk to them.

Real men have access to being anything and can use it whenever they choose to. It’s the difference between fitting into the mold of a man and creating who you are every day. Being able to choose to be what creates the most in every moment is actually the power of you as a man.