January 24th, 2019 was like any other day.
My wife Lacey and I were riding high off the success of our new online supplement store, our careers in Health & Wellness were taking off, and our sleepless nights of blogging were beginning to pay off.
My father, Dr. Calvin McDuffie III and I were finally putting our collaborative efforts in Health & Wellness together and planned an ebook to be released this spring.
As I vested interest in holistic healers like Dr. Sebi and innovative products like nootropics as adderall substitutes, he was particularly intrigued in bringing awareness of the lesser known suppplements to the public.
The amazing benefits of lesser known supplements such as Serrapeptase and how it worked for him. I had promised not to blog on Serrapeptase, because that was going to be his baby.
If you have had a chance to read my article on Grieving The Loss Of My Father, you know that this ebook collaboration never happened. On January 24th, my mom came home to find my dad slouched over the chair and she immediately called 911.
It was believed at the time that his sugar dropped so low that he had stroke like symptoms. My mom called me and told me what had happened and she raced off to the hospital. She would NOT leave his side.
Around 1:00 AM my father woke up, confused to how he ended up in the hospital but appeared to be alert. He ate a sandwich and repeatedly told my mom that he was OK and assured her he would be home in the morning. He was a Dr. after all and was taking great care of his body.
If anyone would be okay, it would be him.
Grudgingly, my mother went home with full expectations that she would be picking my father up in the morning.
That wouldn’t happen. Around 5:00 AM, my father had a heart attack and passed away that morning. At 5:30 AM, they tried to revive my father but to no avail.
My Introduction To Anger And Denial In Grief
That morning I drove over to my mom’s house. I remember the moment clear as any memory I have. I remember pulling into the driveway and my beautiful Grandmother came outside and tried to prevent me from going in the house.
She stated that my wife was on the way and that they had been trying to get a hold of me. My phone was dead.
I was confused that my wife was leaving work and as I tried to bypass her and walk into see my father, she started to say something that started with, “Your dad…” and I finished her sentence.
I told her I knew my Dad was in the hospital the night before and that I planned on talking to him about some supplements that helped spikes and drops in insulin. That’s when I found out he passed.
The Period That Followed
For nearly 3 days, I threw up non stop. I didn’t go back home, my wife and I stayed with my mom. This period was a blur. I couldn’t accept the fact that my father had passed away.
I was FILLED with hate and confusion that it took 30 minutes for the hospital to attempt to revive my father and I went into a very dark state. After battling addiction to alcohol, I returned to drinking again to numb the pain.
It was a dark moment, with feelings I’m not comfortable talking about yet but it led me to the greatest conversation I’ve ever had and changed my outlook on life.
Words That Transcend: Putting Grief In Perspective
They say at the most high pressure situations that people’s true colors come out. Some people my Dad would have gave an arm and a leg for did nothing for his family after he passed, and some of the people went above and beyond what was called for.
The moment that stands out for me as a changing point was in the midst of a deep conversation with someone very close to my father.
He stated, “I know how you feel. This is a life changing event and you will NEVER be the same person again. You have NO CONTROL over that. Whether the changed person you become is a better person or a worse person is totally up to you. I love you either way.”
It was the most blatantly honest statement I had ever heard. As I look up at the picture of my Dad that my Mother gave me, I see him grinning. He is looking off to the side, the photo angled so I feel as though he is looking at me. His gigantic, body builder arms are crossed and his smile makes me feel as though he’s saying, “Now you are finally getting it.”
When we grieve it’s hard to look at the bright side of things. Adaptogens like Maca can lower our high cortisol levels and help to reduce stress, but through faith and a clear perspective we can truly defeat the demons of grief.