One night, as I was working under the light of a lamp, I asked myself the question which many probably, at some point or another in their lives, have asked themselves: “What am I exactly doing with my life?” Soon enough I was asking myself an even more important question: “Am I doing what I love and am passionate about?” As I stood there ruminating on the questions, it didn’t take very much time at all to sense this hollow, dull sensation crawling all over me like that of an unbearable solitude. I knew, right then and there, that I was not living my life’s purpose, that I was not following my heart, and that I was definitely not chasing my dreams. I opened my laptop and, as I accustomed to do during many quiet nights, sought to find another remarkably inspirational quote to read. I remember reading these words written by Naeem Callaway, words that shook the very walls within me: “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step.” I loved the words so much that I saved the quote on my iPhone to ensure I had it nearby to read it again and again until it was imprinted on my brain. The next day, I started to give myself fully to my passion for writing. I wasn’t yet living my dream but I did take the first step towards what I knew in my gut and soul was the right direction for me. A few days later, as I gazed at the beauty of what I had created, the reactions of those who began to read my poetry, and overall and most importantly the feeling of something similar to the flight towards the freedom of my greatest aspirations, I knew I had discovered my purpose. I felt that the aimless emptiness before known to me was now being replaced by an inner explosion of stars, dancing free all around inside of me, a painting whose brushstrokes I was creating with the waterfall of words spurting from within me. It was the most beautiful sensation I have ever had experienced, unleashing the oozing passion from within.
Ever since that day, I felt more than motivated but ready to work diligently on my goals which drove me to carve a fixed plan, one which I follow with great discipline. Ever since that day, I have approached each waking morning with immense zeal and intention. The sense of purpose drove me to accomplish what I set out to do, one step at a time but with much proclivity. I noticed my purpose not as something I was just thinking about or considering but as something I was actually living. I felt madly starlit from the inside out to create and so I began to live my purpose. Not one day was wasted since, as a result.
To keep me aligned with my sense of purpose, I live my passion every day and share it with anyone who is curious about it. A giant passion isn’t designed to be sheltered on dusty shelves or inside neatly stacked boxes but to be shared with the world. I believe that sharing my works with the world was and is a core component of my passion because the absolute ultimate aim and goal with my creativity was and remains to reach the hearts and minds of people, to touch the very lives of others.
The feeling of a lack of purpose in my life I was enslaved to, in the past, was a dreadful one. It felt as if all of my talents were being wasted which seemed to me as a tragedy. Despite that I was successful in my day job, I felt no true fulfillment within. It wasn’t like I was not in control of my life but like as if I was trapped in a cage of a routine that was only robbing from me both talent and time. It felt truly like I was living within an unhealthy atmosphere that was becoming, slowly but surely, toxic to my overall happiness and quality of life. I asked myself what was more important to me in the long run. As a result, I chose long term purpose over short term gratification. I took the risk by the horns and leaped in what has become the greatest adventure of my life. I am grateful that I had the courage to unleash my purpose. By doing so, I have provided myself with the greatest liberty there is.
Carmen A. K.
(aka Carmen A. Cisnadean)